The Problem at Hand
by Mavanna
Summary: As fans we often wonder what would happen if we met our favorite characters. This is what my best friend and I came up with. I hope you enjoy this and read with a sense of humor. This does take place in A/u so a few thing will be off, remember humor
1. The day things got weird

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: I hope you enjoy this story with a sense of humor, the first few chapters are short but they beef up quick so stay with me, as always please read and review.**_

The Problem at Hand

Chapter 1: The Day Things got Weird

I want to tell you a story about the strangest thing I have ever even heard of. It seems like fiction, but it happened and it happened to me and my best friend... Do you have a favorite show? Of course you do, I am sure you watch the marathons that come on from time to time. That is how it all started, with a TV and a Stargate SG 1 marathon.

I sat on my couch with a plop and offered my best friend, Kali, some popcorn, "Thanks for coming over, it gets lonely when Jason is gone." She looked at me and said, "Come on Riley, like I'd miss 24 hours of watching Daniel and you mocking me for it. So, how long does Jason have to go?" I sighed, "Still about six months, he should be having his R & R leave soon though." I looked around taking a mental inventory. Chips, popcorn, soda, energy drinks, everything needed for a 24 hour marathon and so the marathon began. It was about ten and one the last episodes of this particular marathon when the weather report came on. "No, why do they have to do this now! We'll miss the beginning and I like this episode." Kali was standing up staring angrily at the TV as it stated that a lightning storm was going to pass over our city. "Kali, you like _every_ episode. Besides, it's over and before it started too." I shuddered at the thought of a storm, "I hate storms, glad I'm not alone."

The show started and we watched yet another episode with a surprising amount of excitement, I of course made fun of Kali's crush on a fictional character and she made fun of my lack of show history. This went on and on and on until the last episode of the marathon was about to start. I got up for a drink and looked out the window. "Wow, it looks horrible out there, maybe we should check the weather?" Kali gave me a murderous look, "Touch the remote and lose the hand, besides if it gets bad, the news will interrupt." I agreed and we began to watch what would most definitely be the strangest SG 1 ever.

The show started out normal enough; it opened to Carter, O'Neill, and Teal'c standing in front of the gate, at Stargate Command, waiting to go through. Daniel comes running up to stand next to them. "Nice of you to joins us Dr. Jackson." Jack said a bit nonchalantly. Daniel rolled his eyes as Walter dialed the gate. There was a brief silence as Walter's voice echoed in the room, "Wormhole Stabilized."

At that precise moment a flash of light nearly blinded us and for a second everything seemed fine. Then we noticed the strange realism of the event horizon, followed by Teal'c, Daniel, Carter, and O'Neill walking through the gate and INTO MY LIVING ROOM! Then the TV shut off and the edges of the screen looked as if they had been set on fire. As SG-1 looked around my living room, the only words I could find were, "You broke my TV!"

Kali and I later came to the conclusion that 'them's were fightin words' because in seconds they had their weapons pointed at us. I think Kali was still in shock, so I had to say it, "Yea, cause we're gonna attack you with our popcorn, it's extra buttery, so it will be a slow death. When it reaches your arties you're gonna be goners" By this time they lowered their weapons and Daniel looked at O'Neill, "I think we found your people." Carter was staring at Kali as if looking for something. "Sir, I think she's going into shock." He looked from Carter to Kali a few times before turning to me, "Hey you, with the popcorn. What's wrong with her?"

I glanced over at Kali to see that she did in fact look like she was going into shock. "Well she is probably freaked out that four people appeared in our living room out of thin air." O'Neill removed his sunglasses to get a better look at me, "Aren't you freaked out?" I looked him directly in the eye as Carter moved forward to check on Kali. "I have toddlers, nothing scares me anymore" Jack raised an eyebrow, "Just what kind of toddler's do you have?" I ignored him and looked to Daniel, "You might want to go to the other room, Kali over there is bound to come out of shock soon and when she does she will attach herself to you." Daniel glanced to his companions nervously and then turned his eyes back to me. "Um…Why?" I smiled trying to think of a delicate way to put things, "She has a weird thing for glasses and boonies…." O'Neill chuckled, Carter stopped checking on Kali to look at Daniel and smile, Teal'c raised an eyebrow. No sooner than that, Kali, as predicted, attached herself to Daniel. Teal'c was the only one to say anything with a resounding, "Indeed"

The next few minutes were awkward, I tried to pry Kali off of Daniel, Teal'c kept looking around the room with a look that I decided was mild interest, and Carter and O'Neill were talking, quietly but very fast. Kali and I were back on the couch when O'Neill said rather loudly, "So it's decided we are still on earth" I don't know if it was the large amount of energy drink or the 24 hour marathon that resulted in sleep deprivation, but we both decided that telling them that they walked out of my TV was a bad idea and we might as well have fun with that. Kali stared at them with a smirk on her face, "Were else would you be?" At this point I was still hopeful that I was just having a really disturbing dream.

I think we all decided it was time to actually talk to each other because O'Neill stepped forward, "I'm Col. Jack O'Neill, and this is Major Samantha Carter, Dr. Daniel Jackson and T….Murray" Kali looked at Teal'c , "So…Murray…just Murray, huh. Is that kinda like Madonna or Cher?" Teal'c raised an eyebrow and simply nodded.

Kali grinned at me before turning to them, "I'm Kali Morgan, and she is Riley Marsh, and you broke her TV." O'Neil looked a little irritated at us, "What the hell is so important about a TV, like you said we appeared out of nowhere, shouldn't you be concerned about that." Kali stood up, I suspect she forgot who she was speaking to, "Well other than the big Hockey game tomorrow, we were in the middle of a S…Wormhole X-tream marathon!" I just stood there trying to keep a straight face, it wasn't working. O'Neill coughed nervously and Sam said, "Really, that show? Didn't find the science a little off?" Kali didn't miss a beat, "Well I'm no theoretical astrophysicist, but I found that archeologist pretty damn hot." At that Daniel stared at the floor blushing. Then the awkward silence struck, I began to wonder if we should tell them…Nah this was too much fun.

Kali must thinking the same thing because she started humming the Stargate theme song, granted they no idea, but it almost too much. It took all of my will power but I managed to change the subject before I keeled over from internal laughing. "So, how did you guys end up in my living room?" Jack had taken off his sunglasses a while ago, so we all saw him look around at everyone in the room, then back to Carter, "Um…Carter, any ideas?" She gave him a frustrated look, "Frankly sir, I don't know how we got here." Another awkward silence began except this time we all started to stare at each other as we tried to understand the situation. After awhile, Kali leaned closer to me, "Murray's staring is kinda creepy….I'm going to get my teddy bear." Jack coughed a little, "You still have a teddy bear?" I shook my head and smiled, "Jack, don't you know anything, you're never too old for a teddy bear." Kali went to her stuff and dug out her teddy bear, bringing it back to the couch for everyone to see. Everyone one did see it and stared at it with mild shock. The teddy bear in question was sporting a Green Vest, Glasses, and a Boonie Hat. Jack Smirked, "Hey Daniel, it's you!" Daniel blushed and promptly shot Jack a dirty look, "Shut up." Kali smirked, "Well, You can have my Boonie Bear, if I can have yours." I looked at her, also with a dirty look, "Kali!" O'Neill turned to Teal'c, "Sounds like a fair trade, don't ya think." Teal'c replied with a almost bored look, "No O'Neill, I think this trade would be unwise."

Kali stood up, "Oh come on, it's not like you keep him around for his linguistic skills, he's barley said anything since you got here." O'Neill snorted back laughter and Daniel look at her with mild shock, muttering under his breath, "but I am a linguist."

I felt an eyebrow rise on my face, "Well then Dr. Jackson, enlighten us with you communication skills. We were watching TV before and when you got here, you can see the couch indentions. What, exactly, were you doing?" I know that I probably shouldn't have been so straight forward, but it had to be asked. Besides, I was curious about that and their answer almost guaranteed an interesting answer from them.

The team looked at each other for a moment before Carter answered, "We work with Deep Space Telemetry." Kali and I looked at each other and seemed to read each other's thoughts. We were both thinking that, one, that was the weakest answer ever and the look on Carter's face said that she knew it. Two, Messing with them was turning out to be the most fun I have had in a long time. Then I thought to myself, that maybe all the people who thought we were evil, were on to something.

Kali smiled, "Um…What exactly does Murray do in deep space telemetry?" Teal'c again raised an eyebrow. Before anyone could respond, Kali continued turning to Teal'c, "Are you 'Boonie Bear's' body guard, cause seeing as I just got past you, you're not doing a great job." This earned a loud chuckle from O'Neill, Carter tried, but failed to hide a smile, Daniel started to cough a lot, and Teal'c suddenly lost the ability to blink.

I took the opportunity to ask them the burning question, "How does Deep Space Telemetry explain how you got in my living room?" They looked very surprised that this question came up. O'Neill leaned forward, "Actually we haven't had to explain much about our job." He said that like it explained everything, and sat back really sure there would be no more prodding. I glanced at Kali to see her nod already seeming to know what I wanted to say next. Looking back toward the team I said, "Deep Space Telemetry in Cheyenne Mountain always seemed a little off, who is your commanding officer?"

They could not hide the surprise on their faces, even Teal'c's face held a glimmer of surprise. Jack studied me and Kali for a while, I think trying to figure out just how we were related to the military, "How could you know that?" looking to his team, he asked again. "How could they know that?" Kali smiled, "We are Um….accustomed to military life. We are only 15 minutes from Fort Hood after all." Daniel held up a hand, "Wait! Were in Texas?" I nodded, "You never asked, for explorers you forget a lot" All of the SG team's heads snapped up to look at me, right then. They all knew they had never said anything about being explorers. **Smack **Kali had hit me in the back of the head. "What did you do that for?" I asked, holding my head. **Smack** She hit me again as soon as my hand moved, "Explorers? What were you thinking?" I was still holding my head, looking confused when it dawned on me. "Oops." Slowly Kali and I turned our eyes from each other to a team of explorer's expecting a really good explanation. O'Neill, Carter and Daniel all said at the same time, in the same scary tone, "Well?"

I shrugged, "Would you believe, we're physics?" I smiled one of those large fake smiles. They shook their heads no. Kali jumped in, "You won't believe us…." I nodded in agreement, "It's crazy…Impossible even." Jack, who was now standing, grew impatient, "Spit it out already!"

Then I said it, "Alright…alright. The truth is… you came from a TV show and walked out right out of our TV." There was a second of Silence…two seconds of silence… Then we heard Kali say in an overly dramatic way. "Dun Dun Duuuuuun." Irritated I said, "Kali…..Shut Up!"

**Next Chapter: Questions and Answers**

_**Hope you stick around to see how we convince them we're not crazy…well, **_**that**_** crazy any way…**_


	2. Questions and Answers

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U; I do not in any way own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's Note: Major case of the WWYD's so tell me, what would you do? R&R please.**_

The Problem at Hand

Chapter 2: Questions and Answers

So picture this, Kali and I looking like deer caught in headlights and the SG team staring at Kali and I as anyone who had just been told they walked out of a TV would. Like we were crazy, granted they had a point, but in this case, we were telling the truth. Then they started to look at each other, and then back at us. Jack and Daniel at the exact same time, in the exact same 'talking to a crazy person way' said, "You're both crazy." And they began to walk toward the door.

"Wait! We can prove it, I swear." Kali said jumping in front of them. I joined her and added, "Humor us; I will throw in a free meal, might as well get some free food for your trouble." Jack looked around, "We could stay a minute." Daniel looked at the ground shaking his head, looking up at us he asked, "When you say you can prove it, how would you do that?" Kali hesitated a moment, then replied, "Ask us anything, even about yourselves." Nodding vigorously, I added, "I'll make the food."

We ate the quick meal in an awkward silence; then we all sat on my three couches, all facing a small coffee table and each other. Daniel not surprisingly was appointed to ask questions. "So," Daniel started his sentence sounding skeptical, "If we are truly a television show then can you tell us what we really do?" Kali leaned forward to answer but I stopped her, "I got this one." Turning to Daniel I replied, "Well, you travel through a device called the Stargate to other worlds and more often than not, get into trouble." Surprise was very apparent on their faces and Daniel looked to his companions as if making sure they wanted to continue.

Daniel then began to ask another question. "What is Murray's last name?" Jack leaned back on the couch with a rather smug look and at that moment so did I; Kali could answer every one of their questions. "Danny, you know as well as I do that Murray doesn't have a last name. However, his real name is Teal'c and he is from Chulak." Teal'c raised an eyebrow and nodded his head in our general direction.

O'Neill was no longer leaning back, and Daniel really seemed to be thinking hard about what his next question would be. I nudged Kali with my elbow and a smirk, "So Space Monkey, What's your next question?" Jack's jaw dropped, but only for a moment and Daniel shifted very uncomfortably, "Um…What degrees do I have?" Kali smiled one of those so happy it's almost scary smiles, "Well Daniel you are very smart, you have a PhD in archeology, a PhD in anthropology, and a Masters in Linguistics. Also, at last count you speak over 23 different languages." I giggled, couldn't help it, that was the moment Daniel realized that one; we were most likely telling the truth and two, that Kali didn't have a thing for glasses and boonies. Kali had a thing for him. You could tell from the way he turned all different shades of red, truthfully I was surprised it took him this long to figure it out.

"Okay if you guys are so damn smart..." Jack started to say with an attitude. He was interrupted by Daniel, "Jack, be nice!" Jack grumbled a bit before continuing "Fine, if you really know so much then what do I do in my down time?" Kali grinned, "You go to your cabin in Minnesota to fish" then added under her breath, "even though your lake has no fish in it." I had to throw in my two cents, "Kali, it's not about the fish." Then I turned to Jack, "Jack…You want a beer? You look like you could use one." I got up to get drinks and heard Kali asking her Danny if he would like anything. She met me at the refrigerator, "Riley, this is like a dream. Isn't it great?" I wanted to agree with her but, the caffeine, sugar were wearing off. "Kali…They have to go back sometime…even if they wanted to stay…my kids will be back in a few days, we have to figure something out. Don't get attached." Kali wore a disappointed look on her face and I swear in that moment I knew exactly where my kids were learning new tricks. "They can stay tonight but tomorrow we figure things out for sure" Kali nodded, then moved around me to get something for Daniel.

I handed out both root beers and beers to our…um…I'll call them guests. Kali handed Daniel a Pepsi, quietly saying, "Ca Va," as she held the can out. For a moment Daniel had a surprised look, then his face softened and he smiled, saying "Spasiba," as he took the can from her hand. She sat down with a blush across her face. It was a very sweet moment, one that made me very happy and very sad. This was Kali dream guy, but he would have to go away sometime and I didn't want her to get hurt. So I did the only thing I could do for the moment, I moved on.

"So, what is the next question?" I said to no one in particular. There was an awkward silence and after a few minutes Kali turned to Carter. "So, Sam. How is Jacob…um….Selmak…..How is your dad doing?" Sam opened her mouth and quickly closed it, opening it again to reply, "Uh...the last time I heard from him, things were going great. I think he's adapting well to living with the Tok'ra." Daniel decided to interrupt the ever growing silence, "We decided you are telling the truth..." I studied his face for a few seconds before the light bulb went off, "You found the DVD's didn't you." He nodded, "Uh…yea."

I knew what Kali was thinking and looking around the room I knew what the others were thinking too. Standing up I walked around the room gathering up all DVD's and ranting, "Too weird, too soon, not gonna happen. You guys are all crazy, not watching it." I took them and disappeared into my bedroom. When I returned Jack and Daniel were looking through a photo album that was under my desk, Teal'c was staring out of the living room window. Unfortunately Kali was showing Sam something very funny on the computer, and only one thing could be that funny. I walked up behind them, "Stop it…turn it off…this is not the time to show them this stuff." Kali closed the Fan fiction website. "I had to show her, I couldn't resist, now she will laugh every time she uses a slash symbol." I glanced over at Sam to find that she was red in the face from laughing. Looking around the room I realized that no one else seem to notice, My thoughts were interrupted by Daniel.

"Riley, Is this your family?" He asked pointing to a photo of my husband, daughter, and two sons in a stuffed animal fight. I sat down next to him and Jack, nodding I answered. "Yes, that is my husband, Jason. The little girl is my Dawn, she's 4 years old. The bigger boy next to her, is Sean, he's 3 years old. Richard is the little baby boy looking confused, okay not a baby, he's a 2 year old." For some reason, after saying this, Kali was laughing and everyone else was giving me a look like I fell out of a tree. "What?" I said kind of irritated.

Jack looked at the others, then back at me, "You don't exactly seem like a mom….So, Where are they?" I took the photo album from Daniel, "The kids are visiting their grandparents and my husband is deployed. You know how it is? They will be back in three days, which brings up the next question. How did you get here and how are you getting back?" Kali shot me a rather uncalled for dirty look. I shook it off and added, "Any ideas?"

My question was, unfortunately, met with silence. Kali was still giving me a dirty look and everyone else seemed to be deep in thought. Carter seemed to have thought of something, as she spoke up, "You never told us exactly what happened when we ended up in your living room." I jumped up, "That reminds me, you guys owe me a TV. Any who, we were watching…well you get ready to go through the Stargate…ok this is too weird." I rubbed my head suddenly having a headache.

Kali took over from there sounding like a genius, it helped that she knew what she was saying. "My bet is the lightening on our end combined with a gate malfunction on your end created a vortex that allowed you to travel into a different reality." She was met with a blank stare and then Daniel said in a low quiet voice, "Wow." This was closely followed by Jack turning to Sam, "Did that sound about right?" Carter blinked a few times before responding.

"Actually, it does." I think she was still processing the switch from fan girl to smart. I gave a polite smile, "So….How do you get back to your reality? I'm not trying to rush you guys off but I am not sure how my kids will react to….um…you." Somehow it didn't seem right to call them fictional characters to their face. Again everyone seemed deep in thought. Kali and I suddenly looked at each other, "We're gonna need…" she trailed off. I replied knowing exactly what she meant, "But we can't, it will be so much …." Kali raised an eyebrow, "Looks like we have to be…." I looked down shaking my head, "I don't like this, it's a bad idea. We'll wait and see." Kali nodded in agreement.

We didn't notice the stares we were getting and we completely ignored their questions. We weren't going to answer until we agreed on the best course of action. "Look it has been a long 2 days for me and I need to sleep." I stood up and looked around, "Look, Sam you can sleep in my daughter's bed. You guys can sleep in the boy's room, Kali has an air…" Kali just about pushed me out of her way, "You can sleep on my air mattress with me Danny." This made Daniel again turn five different shades of red, which was surprising, I was expecting more than that.

I continued, "As I was saying, you guys can take the boys room or the couch. Kali you are sleeping in my room and I am locking the door." Kali started to argue, "But…Daniel…" I held my hand up, "Either go to my room or I tell every embarrassing story I can think of." She went down the hall into my room and I followed, throwing some blankets and pillow into the hallway. I yelled, "Night!" into the hallway before closing the door.

**Next Chapter: Preparing for the Worse**

_**What a day, wait till tomorrow…**_


	3. Preparing for the Worse

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U; I do not in any way own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: Now it get interesting….or just silly….or serious….guess you'll have to read to find out…please R&R**_

The Problem at Hand

Chapter 3: Preparing for the Worse.

I woke up in my bed next to Kali, which was odd, since we both preferred to sleep alone. I got out of bed and stood up, when I remembered my very strange dream and thought to myself. _Man, no more marathons and energy drinks for me._ I walked down the hallway, kids doors were closed, nothing different, nothing out of the ordinary. I walked to the kitchen groggily grabbing a cup from my cabinet, and then I open the fridge to pour myself a glass of milk. I put the milk back in the fridge; closing the door I heard an unfamiliar voice saying, "Mornin, do you have any coffee?" I nearly jumped out of my skin, yelling, "OH MY GOD! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I frantically attacked with the first thing I thought of.

Then I came to my senses and came face to face with Jack, my cup in his hand, milk dripping down his face. I looked away quietly saying to myself, "oops…not a dream…." Raising my voice I asked, "Want a towel?" I received a very blank stare. "Um…is anyone else up yet?" I asked handing him a kitchen towel and deciding not to get more milk. Getting the milk mostly off of his face, he replied, "No…again. Where is the coffee?"

I was a little surprised someone was up before me. "I don't drink coffee, how long have you been up?" Jack gave me a bewildered look, "No coffee?" I think his eye was starting to twitch. "Calm down, I have toddlers, have you seen a toddler who's had coffee." I paused for a couple of seconds, "No you haven't, they move too fast. Again how long have you been up?" He looked very irritated. "About two hours, …why don't you have any pictures on your walls..." I held my hand up, "Either help with breakfast or go watch a movie on Kali's portable DVD player. It's too early for questions." He seemed to agree because in a few moments I heard The Simpson's theme in the living room

A half an hour later I opened all the bedroom doors, promptly yelling at the top of my lungs, "BREAKFAST! EAT NOW OR NOT AT ALL!" Kali emerged from my room loudly grumbling about a really strange dream, when she found herself face to face with Daniel. "Danny! It wasn't a dream. This is so great." I don't think Daniel knew what was going on or cared he walked down the hallway to the kitchen table with Kali hugging him the whole way, than muttered. "Coffee?" Kali didn't even look up from hugging him, "She doesn't drink coffee."

Daniel Snapped out of whatever sleepy stupor he was in, only to gain a horrified expression on his face. "No coffee?" Irritated, I replied, "Sit down and shut up about the coffee, I made you breakfast." They all grabbed the nearest chair. Kali who sat between Daniel and Teal'c, said in a low whisper, "Um…she gets like this before she's had caffeine…just don't make her mad or she'll take your food." Smiling she asked loudly, "So Riley, What did you make?"

I always enjoyed cooking and having people to cook for, so proudly, I came to the table carrying two plates. "I made Banana Chocolate chip waffles." I set the plates I had in my hand, in front of Jack and Sam who were seated on either side of my empty chair. They looked at their plate in shock while I gave everyone else their plates and set syrup in the middle of the table. "So what does everyone want to drink? We have orange juice, milk, rice milk. Here you go, Kali." I threw her a Dr Pepper while setting another on the counter for myself.

Something seemed to be troubling everyone but Kali. Looking around the table Teal'c spoke up, "We can acquire our own drinks if you would like to sit and eat your meal." I shook my head and again asked my question. "Thanks but I am a little…picky how things are…so what would you like to drink?" Jack held his plate up at an angle, "A little? You made smiley faces on our waffles…they are all even." Kali looked at Jack, "Just be happy she didn't cut it up for you." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "Is it her wish to cut up our food?"

I sat down after giving everyone their drinks and responded before kali did, "Force of habit." Kali kinda chuckled, "Yeah...I don't think I've ever been able to make my own plate when I visit, her kids have warped her." Daniel was looking rather twitchy before he started to ask something, "This is great food, but can we go get some coffee after breakfast?"

Kali and I exchanged a look of unease, "I am not sure that is a good idea. Someone could see any of you and…" Kali picked up where I left off, "Here you guys are actors, famous people…we'd have people asking for autographs, pictures." She waved to Jack, "You're freakin' MacGyver!" Jack gave Kali a look that could've killed and out of gritted teeth said, "I am not THAT guy." Sam, Daniel, and I all laughed uncontrollably. Kali would have joined us but the evil of Jack's glare stopped her laughing. Teal'c simply smirked.

When I caught my breath again, I made a suggestion, "If you want to leave this house, we'll need to disguise you. How about we do this, Kali and I go buy new clothes and other stuff to help and we'll bring back Starbucks." Kali and I stood up, "We are going to get dressed…Sam do you think you could fix my TV?" Sam gave a surprised smile, "I can take a look for you." Looking to the guys, "I'm not made of money, so you have to earn your keep. No coffee unless the kitchens clean." I was grinning ear to ear when Kali smacked me in the back of the head. "Riley, be nice." Grumbling a bit, I rephrased my statement, "Um…ow. What I meant to say was, I would appreciate it a lot if you guys could clean the kitchen….please." Kali smiled, "We've been trying to work on her manners." Daniel smiled, "We've been working on Jack's too." Sam coughed doing her very best to hide a chuckle and Teal'c agreed with a resounding, "Indeed."

We left the kitchen to go get dressed and walked back into the living room to grab my keys and our wallets. "Well we'll be back with coffee." I said opening the door. We were stopped by Daniel, "Wait don't you want to know what we want." Sighing, I said, "Three black coffees with assorted creamers and sugar." Kali jumped in adding, "and an Arabian Mocha for Danny!" Stepping outside the door, "Alrighty then…Bye." With that I shut the door and we got into my Mini Van.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X- SG 1 ~ Alone at the Marsh Home -X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

The SG team watched as Riley and Kali got into a red Mini Van and drove away. Jack was the one to speak first, "I don't trust them." Teal'c looked toward him, "O'Neill, they have not attempted to attack us." Daniel nodded his head in agreement, "Jack, They made us waffles with smiley faces on them." Jack glanced at Sam who, true to her word, was taking a look at the broken TV. "Carter, is it really possible they are telling the truth?" Sam looked at him, "Sir, I don't see what reason they have to lie. Why don't you trust them?"

Jack shook his head a bit, "They're hiding something, I just know it, at least that Riley character is. We need to find out what" Jack said more than a little irritated. "What do you want to do Jack, go through their things?" Daniel responded sarcastically. "Now there's an idea!" Jack said enthusiastically as he walked down the hallway toward Riley's bedroom. Daniel got up and very quickly moved in front of Jack. "No…Not an Idea…Not anything…I was being sarcastic!" Opening the door, Jack picked up the first thing he saw and tossed it at Daniel, "Here is that Kali girl's bag."

Daniel looked at the bag that had ended up in his arms, immediately dropping it. "NO! This isn't right I am not doing this." Then he walked away to help Sam, who had conveniently noticed the broken TV. (A/N: Smart people know a bad idea when they hear it) Jack continued to look around until he had a stack of things that would potentially reveal more about the girls they had met on the previous night.

Walking into the living room he found that Sam had now taken apart the TV and was busy asking Teal'c to hand her tools from a tool box that looked rather worn out. Daniel was clearing off the kitchen table. Jack dropped a large stack of papers and Kali's Bag on the living room coffee table. Clearing his throat loudly to get everyone's attention, he said, "Okay kids I think the answer to those two girls is somewhere in this mess."

Daniel gave Jack a strange look, "Why exactly do you think I will help you with this?" Jack looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Because if you don't and I get caught, I will tell them it was your idea." Daniel gave this some thought before deciding that seemingly crazy girls are probably not people you want mad at you. "Fine, but can we at least clean things up for them before we violate their privacy?"

Jack tilted his head to the side, "That sounds reasonable." They cleaned up breakfast and then sat on a couch to begin searching through everything Jack had dug up. Daniel picked up a paper and set it down again, "Are you sure about this?" Before Jack could answer, Sam and Teal'C sat down next to them, "Sir, this really doesn't seem like a good idea." Teal'c spoke up next, "I agree with Major Carter, this seems most unwise."

"Fer crying out loud! Am I the only one who thinks something is wrong with these girls?" Jack asked in a very frustrated tone. The other members of SG-1 looked at each other before nodding all at once. Daniel leaned a little toward Jack and in a low voice said, "Jack, you're just being paranoid." Jack suddenly took on a very serious look and replied, "Humor me."

Daniel took a long look at Jack before replying, "Um…..no. Teal'c you should take Jack outside…he could use the fresh air." Teal'c nodded and moved toward Jack, when Jack began to mumble and head toward the backyard of the house. Daniel sighed, gathering up everything from the table in his arms. He hoped hiding it from Jack would be good enough, with his arms full he began to make his way out of the living room. Then the door opened and in stepped Riley looking rather pissed and Kali, holding coffee. "What is going on here?"

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X- Riley and Kali – Out and About -X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Once we took our seats, I started the engine and pulled out of the driveway. For a few minutes we rode in silence. I decided it would be best to get the bad points out in the open. "Kali…What are we going to do about the fictional characters in my house?" Kali grinned at me, "Can I keep him?" I narrowed my eyes at her, "Can we please focus here….Jack clearly doesn't trust us and is probably trying to convince the others we are bad guys as we speak…I repeat, What are we going to do?" Glancing over to Kali, I sighed. "Yes, you can keep him…temporarily…can we move on please?"

Kali seemed thoughtful, "Well Danny seems to believe us, so does Sam and if Teal'c had a problem then we would know." I nodded; "Jack doesn't trust us…" I couldn't help the disappointed tone in my voice. Kali grimaced, "Can't say that I blame him….TV show….It is a lot to take in." There was a pause and then Kali asked the burning question, "How are we going to disguise them?" I thought hard for a second, "I am not entirely sure yet…" I slowed down to stop at a red light and glanced over to Kali who was staring out of her window smiling. Looking past her, I figured out why. We were stopped in front of a wig shop.

It was perfect; they could have a decent disguise without actually changing anything. Turning into the parking lot Riley cut the engine. "Kali we cannot, I repeat cannot get carried away and before you even ask, no mullets for Jack." Kali grinned, "Wouldn't dream of it." Upon entering the store we were greeted by an overly excited, short, chubby man asking us if we needed anything. Kali and I exchanged nervous looks before I replied, "Actually we could use some help."

The man cheerfully nodded as we told him what we were looking for, asking various questions about face shapes and skin tones. We were oddly surprised at how knowledgeable he seemed and before too long we left the store with two wigs for each of our new friends. Getting back into my Mini Van I looked at Kali, "Where to next?"

Kali smiled, "Now we should go get them some clothes." I nodded and headed for the nearest Wal-Mart, it wasn't great but we could get them something until we could pick things for themselves. I kept going over the oddness that was the SG team, wondering how on earth this could be fixed. I pulled into a parking spot somewhere in the middle of the lot under a tree, that was the best place, the shade. Kali and I shut the doors behind us and fell into step next to each other. "Hey…Kali, what kind of clothes should we get for them?" Kali stopped letting a strange smile spread across her face. "For Sam I think we should go with something simple, maybe a pink tank top and some faded jeans. For Teal'c, maybe some plain jeans, a black button up shirt, and black ball cap. We can get Jack plain jeans and a crew neck brown T-shirt and We should get Danny faded jeans and a fitted blue tee." I had to stop and stare at her, "Kali….You have been thinking about that since they got here, haven't you?" She nodded and continued walking toward the store entrance.

We walked around putting only what we were looking for in our basket, not really saying much. As we walked to the front to check out we started to talk again. "Kali, have you noticed since they have been here, we are getting into a lot more trouble than usual?" Kali nodded, "Well I guess we should've expected that, after all, there isn't one instance where they aren't in trouble. Riley, I can see the wheels turning, what are you thinking?" I smiled turning the basket around, "I was thinking that we need to prepare for this special kind of trouble."

X~X~X

Kali and I managed to get everything set up and in my Mini Van, Just in case our trip out called for it. Starting the engine we headed home. "Riley, do you think we may have gone a little overboard?" I sighed, "Okay maybe we did go a little to the extreme but we have everything we could possibly need." Kali nodded uncomfortably, "Riley, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are being paranoid." I smirked, "We'll see."

We got out of the van, Kali grabbing the coffee with one hand and the bags for the SG team with the other. I looked at Kali with a reassuring look as I put the key in the door, "I know I must be paranoid, I am sure they aren't doing anything wrong." With that I opened the door.

Kali and I found ourselves staring at Daniel who had a lot of our belongings in his arms. I felt my eye beginning to twitch. "What is going on here?"

**Next Chapter: Questions and Dressing up**

_**Yes…. what could they possibly do… **_


	4. More Questions and Dressing Up

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U; I do not in any way own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's Note: This will be fun, adventures beyond the home….Please R&R**_

The Problem at Hand

Chapter 4: Questions and Dressing Up

Kali and I stepped in the house, closing the door behind us. Daniel set the stuff in his arms down on the couch next to him and started to defend himself, "This isn't what it looks like…" I interrupted, "Really because it looks like you were carrying things that belong to me and Kali…..JACK! What gave you the right to go through our stuff?" Daniel wheeled around to see a shocked Jack behind him. "Hey, why are you yelling at me, Daniel had your stuff." I smirked at him, "You honestly expect me to believe this was his idea….That's it, your coffee is going in the sink." I grabbed Jack's coffee and headed into the kitchen, Jack following very closely.

Daniel stood by Kali and bit shocked, "Um…Kali, why didn't she think it was me?" Kali grinned, "Danny, she knows you're not that type of person and believe it or not you two have a lot in common….Here is your coffee." Daniel smiled at her and started to say something before yelling could be heard from the kitchen. "You will not pour that coffee out!" Jack's voice boomed throughout the house. I smirked, "Oh really and just why not?" Jack continued yelling, "You owe me for throwing milk at me!"

Suddenly everything was silent. Kali approached me, talking quietly, "Riley…did you really throw milk at Jack?" I could've done the mature thing and admitted that he scared me; instead I turned my head away from everyone. "I did no such thing." Kali sighed and took Jack's coffee from my hand. Turning to him she began to scold him, "If you wanted to know about us that badly, you could have just asked us, we aren't hiding anything." With that she handed him his coffee and went to sit on a couch.

X~X~X

We ended up on the couches again; Daniel and Kali were talking up a storm. Teal'c and Sam were talking quietly; Jack and I were glaring at each other. Jack finally spoke up, "So Kali, do you think we could ask you guys some questions now?" All the while he was glaring at me and I wasn't the only one to notice. Daniel almost glared at Jack, "Um…Kali is over here." Glancing at her he continued, "Maybe I should switch places with Riley." I stood up, immediately and silently agreeing with him.

Jack was beginning to really creep me out with glare he was giving me and he didn't stop until Daniel and I had switched places. Daniel shot him a look that seemed to say, don't be stupid and Jack seemed to ignore it. Kali's demeanor changed as she began to stare down Jack, when he noticed her icy stare, she spoke. "You should probably direct any questions you have to me, seeing as you can't stop yourself from pissing Riley off." Jack glared at me one last time before looking at Kali to respond.

Jack took a look around the room, before asking his first question, "So…where did you grow up? How long have you known each other?" Kali glanced at me and I nodded, then she responded, "We grew up here in Texas, Dallas and we've known each other for almost 10 years." The SG team seemed strangely surprised by the length of our friendship. Kali grinned at that, "Next."

Jack asked the next question with a rather smug smirk, "Do either of you have a criminal record?" Daniel sat up straighter, "Jack…" He was then interrupted by Kali. "It's okay Danny, it's a fair question. No record." I had to speak up, "But then again, I bet there is no records of your bar fight either." This caused everyone but Jack to snicker.

Jack mumbled a bit, "That is beside the point…"Jack grumbled a little more before asking his next question. His eyes lit up suddenly as he thought of it too, making both me and Kali, very worried. Jack smirked as he asked, "What _isn't_ on your record?"

Kali looked down at her feet causing Daniel to ask, "Why does Kali look ashamed and why do you look proud?" I grinned, "Kali is not ashamed, she is just worried about what you will think and I have no such issues." Jack looked at us expectantly, "Are you going to answer the question?" I nodded noticing that Kali still looked uneasy, so I came up with an idea to make it easier, "Here's an idea, Kali can answer for me and I can answer for her, so we both save ourselves the embarrassment." Jack nodded, "Fine, just answer already."

Kali went first, tapping her finger on her chin, "Let's see…There was the poker ring, the belching contest, the soda resell scheme, the whole Drill Team fiasco, the protester protest, and oh yea…..The almost assault charges." Jack and Daniel were now staring at me with a mixture of bewilderment and curiosity. Jack shook his head, "Assault?" Kali jumped to my defense, "That one really shouldn't count, the guy had it coming." Daniel leaned forward, "What exactly happened?"

I sighed, Somehow I knew this story would come up. Kali enjoyed telling this story, "Well we were walking around the mall and a guy we knew started talking to us. Out of nowhere he decides it's a good idea to feel Riley up. So she told him to get away from her, then he did it again. Then she told him that if he touched her again he would regret it….then he did it again and next thing he knew he was being held by his neck against a wall a few inches off the ground. Unfortunately that is the only part mall security saw, so they insisted that the guy was the victim." Jack seemed anxious to ask about that story, "Are you sure she did that?" The way he was looking at me, it was clear he was referring to the display of strength described in the story. Kali simply smiled, "Riley has always gotten freakishly strong when angry."

Jack decided it would be best to move on, "So what about Kali?" Daniel leaned in a little, I smiled at how interested he was in this, "Well….There was the fight circle, the time she started a small riot, the time we had to run all over town in a span of 3 hours running from gangs and cops, and the whole bully fiasco." Daniel looked surprised and slightly terrified, "Kali was a bully?" I sighed, "Of course not….she beat up the bullies." Daniel was speechless and Jack didn't seem all that surprised.

He was obviously still trying to figure us out as he continued his questioning. "So what do you guys do?" I leaned back, thinking about how much I loathed that questioned, "A little of this, a little of that, but mostly I chase toddlers." Jack squinted at me, "So….You…don't work." I simply started twitching as Kali glanced nervously at me, "Quick, Everyone! Hide the Forks!" Jack and Daniel, both confused said, "Huh?" Kali snickered as I glared at her, "It's an inside joke, can we move on now?"

Daniel now seemed interested in doing some of the asking, "So, What did you go to college for?" Kali and I both looked down blushing. Daniel looked worried and surprised, "Um….you guys never went to college?" Kali and I found the floor more interesting than ever as we nodded. Kali looked up with a slightly embarrassed smile, "We did take some college courses in high school, but with money and other….circumstances….we just didn't make it to college." Jack leaned forward, "So what did you study?" I smiled, a little more at ease with the subject, "Kali studied different aspects of criminal justice with a side of martial arts and I studied advertising design with a side of psychology." Everyone leaned back while they absorbed this new information.

Jack grinned turning to look at me, "Do your parents know they raised a con artist?" Kali's faced changed as she realized what had just been said and unfortunately she couldn't stop what happened next. I stood up walked straight up to Jack and punched him in the jaw, then walked out on to the back porch. Everyone was shocked, even Teal'c showed surprise on his face

Jack was holding his jaw and looked to Kali. "What did I do?" Kali was flat out pissed, "Why would you say something so incredibly stupid" Kali paused unsure what to say next. Jack then turned to Daniel, "What did I do?" Daniel sighed, "I am not sure..." Kali sighed and soften a bit, "Riley lost her parents when she was still in school...Her parent's family and her brother abandoned her…They're only three people from her past that remain in her present." Jack looked down, "Damn." Daniel wore a serious look on his face; he hadn't truly understood when Kali told him that he and Riley were alike until this moment. He glanced up to see Jack looking down and Kali glaring daggers at him. Then he walked to the back porch.

X~X~X

I sat on the steps of the back porch trying to calm myself from blinding fury to mild anger, when I heard the back door open, "Kali, I'm fine…" Then I heard Daniel's voice, "Actually, it's me." I looked at him with surprise as he sat down next to me. We sat in silence for a minute before Daniel spoke again, "Jack had no idea…..No one did…" I interrupted, "So I was supposed to say what? Hi, I'm Riley, oh and I am an orphan. Is that how you introduce yourself?" Daniel looked stung by that. I sighed, "I'm sorry, you are the only one here who can really understand…..even though I wish no one understood how painful it is to lose your family." Daniel nodded, "What happened?" From the look on his face he didn't expect me to answer, "It's alright, I don't mind talking about it, it just gets that look from people. They both had heart attacks, my dad first, and then my mom, I don't think she could live without my dad."

Daniel smiled a little at that, "So Kali knew them?" I nodded, smiling wistfully, "She was one of two people who didn't abandon me." I glanced into the living room. "We should go inside, Kali is probably really mad at Jack." Daniel nodded and we both stood up. Looking at me once more he asked, "Are you going to be okay?" I didn't look back when I answered, "You already know the answer to that."

X~X~X

We opened the door to a rather strange sight, Kali standing less than a foot away from Jack screaming at him loudly in German. Sam was trying to tell her to calm down and it looked like both Jack and Teal'c were unsure what to do. I glanced at Daniel to see a shocked expression on his face, "Why is Kali cursing in German?" I smiled, "My guess is something Jack did." I nudged him to follow me into the living room. We stopped next to Sam who was still trying to talk some sense into Kali. Sighing I decided enough was enough, "Sam any idea what Jack said to her to get her mad?" Sam shook her head a little, "Kali was still mad at him for what he said and then he said something about anger issues and the next thing we knew she was in his face yelling."

I smacked myself lightly on the forehead, "Crap…..she doesn't like it when people accuse her of having anger issues…" Daniel rubbed the back of his neck as if nervous, "Well she does seem to-" CLAMP I immediately put my hand over his mouth, "Danny, you don't want to say that….and before we stop her you need to know that she gets a lot of crap from a lot of people over this stuff, even when she is not angry, it gets tiring. Now..." I leaned forward and whispered my plan in Daniel's ear. He stood straight up when I was done, "Are you sure that will work?" I nodded smiling. Then he walked to Kali who was still yelling and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Suddenly there was silence in the room and Kali was in some state of shock…or something. I cleared my throat in attempt to get everyone's attention, "Look let's just calm down. I think I have figured out another difference in our realities….People here are, well, to put it bluntly unstable. I admit there are some real crazies out there, but mostly people are just quirky."

Jack looked at his team then back at me, "So everyone here is as crazy as you two." I took a deep breath, "I'll let that slide since I already hit you and we aren't crazy, just quirky." Right then Kali finally snapped out of the shock she was in. She looked at Daniel with a very large, happy smile on her face then turned to me and in a high pitched whisper said, "He kissed me!"

X~X~X

We settled everything down after that and I made some sandwiches for lunch and handed out some sodas. Things were quiet while we ate and soon enough Kali and I were cleaning things up. Sitting back down, Kali started to talk, "Before we go anywhere, we just are not sure what you will need to know to blend in…we kinda figured that would be your department."

Everyone looked to Daniel expectantly. "Um…well…who's the president?" Kali and I both groaned instantly. After noticing the strange looks we were getting from our new friends, I sighed, "Let's not get into that too much and let's just say we feel about our president like you feel about Kinsey…." Kali rolled her eyes and I turned my attention back to Daniel, "Can we move on?" Daniel got the clue to drop the subject and looked like he was thinking a lot about the next question.

We were all surprised to hear Teal'c ask the next question, "Do you have any knowledge of the existence of Goa'uld in your reality?" Kali grinned and I answered, "Not that we know of….fairly certain that they do not exist but we are probably as well informed as your general public." Teal'c nodded his approval of our answer as Sam leaned forward to ask a question of her own. "What level of science do you have in this reality?" I shook my head and leaned back thinking to myself that this was going to be a long answer, Jack just rolled his eyes. Kali's eyes lit up as she responded, "Unfortunately they still believe that astrophysics is just a theory, despite the fact that all the proof we have out there!" Sam smiled, "Yea, I know the feeling." I smiled as they began to go on and on, prattling away about all the proof and what it meant when Jack interrupted. "I thought you majored in criminal justice!" Kali grinned in a mischievous manner, "Awwww, Jack…are you saying you don't find string theory fascinating?" Jack's eyes seemed to glaze over at that, causing Sam and Daniel to snort in amusement.

Kali tapped me on the shoulder, "Riley I just thought of something important, where are we going to get money for food and supplies while they are here?" I had thought about this before but shook it off. Thinking about it now was beginning to give me a headache, then an idea hit me, "Hey Daniel, give me your wallet." SMACK Kali looked irritated, "Riley!" I rubbed the back of my head, "I did not deserve that one….I was just thinking that maybe Daniel's credit card would work here…" Jack grinned, "I like this idea…Daniel give her your wallet." Daniel got a smug look on his face, "Well Jack, I didn't think I would need my wallet on an off world mission, so my wallet is in my locker at the SGC….what about you?" Jack groaned, "Damn it." and handed his wallet over to me. I smiled at him sweetly and took out his three credit cards. Handing him back his wallet, I said, "Don't worry we will only spend what we need…you know, if it works." There was a few seconds of silence before Kali piped up, "I almost forgot, we got you guys some disguises."

They stared at Kali with a look of worry and disbelief. I handed them each a bag, "You can wear these for now, until you pick you own clothes….there are also wigs in there…you get to pick those. Now go get dressed, we got to get going" They all seemed very uneasy but went toward the bed rooms none the less. Kali and had nothing to do but wait for them to be ready.

X~X~X

Ten minutes later, Sam emerged from my bedroom holding two red wigs, one in each hand. She stopped in front of us, "Why do I only get red?" Kali seemed a little disappointed that Sam wasn't happy, though I could see why. Sam stood there in plain sneakers, faded jeans and a pink tank top and she did not look happy about it, something told me the red wigs were a bit over the top for her. I figured we would have to explain our choice to her, "We had to get red, we couldn't put you in brunette hair or you would be recognized." Sam got a confused look on her face when Kali continued the explanation. "The actress who plays your character has another show where she is a brunette…so red is the only option, plus we want to set you up this guy named Gibbs…" I just about died laughing. Sighing Sam sat down between Kali and I, "Could you guys help me with this wig?" We helped Sam put the long haired wig on her head, when we were done we looked up to find Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c staring at Sam like she had something growing out of the side of her head.

It was funny to see Jack and Daniel's struggle for words, where as Teal'c didn't need any, finally Daniel managed it, "Wow…um…Red works for you…" Sam turned as red as her wig and I couldn't tell whether it was because she was flustered or irritated. I stared at the guys taking in their appearance. Teal'c was probably the most recognizable; he wore black sneakers, plain blue jeans, a black button up shirt, and a plain black ball cap. I was disappointed that it was the best we could do and could only hope no one would recognize him. Kali looked at him with a half smile, "Sorry Teal'c, it was the best we could do." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, but said nothing

Jack was wearing brown sneakers, plain blue jeans, and a brown crew neck t-shirt. He was wearing a wig with shaggy brown hair that was about 6 inches long and a look on his face that told everyone how he felt about it, "Is this a joke, cause it's not funny." Kali and I chuckled, and then I put the most serious look on my face I could muster and said, "Stop complaining, we could have gotten you a mullet…" Then Kali, Sam, Daniel and I all laughed until we cried, stopping only long enough to hear Teal'c say to Jack, "O'Neill, what is a Mullet?"

This threw us into another fit of laughter. Daniel was the first one to recover, "Jack it isn't that bad…" Jack eyed him strangely, "You would say that." Daniel was wearing black sneakers, faded jeans, and a fitted blue t-shirt. His wig however made him look completely different; he was wearing a blonde wig that had a somewhat spiky style. We were sure that Sam and Daniel wouldn't be recognized at all. Smiling I grabbed my keys and purse, "It's time to go, let's get out of here." One by one they headed out the door. Locking the door behind me, I got into my now full van and pulled out of the driveway.

**Next Chapter: Fandom**

_**Road trip…..but to where?**_


	5. Fandom

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U; I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's Note: Ah backseat driving…..it's okay as long as you R&R please**_

**Chapter 5: Fandom**

It was a rather peaceful ride….up until the silence was broken. "Kali, does she always drive like an old lady?" Someone whispered. I gritted my teeth a bit, "Who said that?" Kali grinned as she reached up and patted my head. "Don't argue with the truth" she said sweetly. Daniel coughed for our attention, "So….Where are we going?" I grinned, "I have kid free time and no one keeps me from using it." Pausing I continued, "I have people to meet, things to buy, and you guys to watch out for…I don't know yet."

Jack raised an eyebrow, "So…we're just driving around…Can you call this driving?" Sam chuckled, "Sir, I think a bicycle just passed us." Everyone started laughing, I got irritated. "That's it!" I said as I slammed on the brakes. There were various claims of pain as I turned around to look at everyone. "I don't drive that slowly! If anyone disagrees then they get out and walk!" Kali smiled, "It was just a joke Riley, calm down a little." I huffed a little more before deciding that they were right, unfortunately. "Fine….Kali you can drive after we get to the mall."

Turning into the parking lot of the nearest mall, I talked to the passengers in the back. "First things first, you guys get to pick your own clothes…and before anyone ask, the wigs stay. Kali you get one of the bags." Everyone got out of the van gathering around as Kali and I got two large backpacks from the back. Jack and Daniel exchanged worried looks, Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Sam curiously asked, "What are those for?" Smiling I said, "They are our emergency kits, in case we run into trouble." Jack shook his head a little, "What do you mean 'trouble'?" Kali grinned, "We'll you seem to get into all kinds of trouble, everywhere you go…" Jack's eyes narrowed, "Fercryinoutloud, we're not that bad!" Kali and I both replied at the same time in the same unbelieving tone, "We'll see."

X~X~X

We walked in to find a nearly empty mall, not unusual for a weekday. I turned to Jack, "We have to test out your card to see if it will work…." Turning to face the rest of the group I said, "Who wants a Slurpee?" The SG1 team gave me a strange look, but stopped when Kali started jumping up and down saying excitedly, "Me, me, me, me!" Smiling I led the way to the one of the shops in the food court. We each got our choice of Slurpee in silence…I had the suspicion they were waiting for us to have to give them back. They were all fiddling with the straws for their drinks but not using them at all. Kali on the other hand was already gulping hers down. I gave the cashier the card and watched as he swiped it and handed it back.

Handing me the receipt he told me to have a nice day and I smiled at Jack, replying to cashier, "I think I will." Jack glanced from side to side, "Did anyone else feel a chill?" Kali patted him on the shoulder, "Don't worry, she secretly has self restraint." I looked at Kali, "Alright, we are going to split up….Kali pick a person to go with you." Jack looked concerned, "Is she only taking one person with her?" I shrugged, "I assumed Daniel would go with her." This caused both Kali and Daniel to blush but no one disagreed. Kali lifted a finger to point toward Sam. "I pick Sam." I sighed, muttering, "Figures." under my breath. Jack gave us a questioning look, so I decided to explain, "She stuck me with the bodyguards." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "Are we to protect you?" I shook my head a little and Kali jumped in, "God, Yes!" Jack grinned at the look on my face, "So, why would she need protecting?" I gave Kali a pleading look, "We really don't have to get into that." Kali smiled, "Riley just doesn't know when to stop…the last time I wasn't there to shut her up, I had to convince a small mob not to beat the crap out of her….half her pack is for her, there's duct tape in the front pocket."

"Alright then." I said digging through my purse. Pulling out my credit card, I walked in front of Daniel, "I will leave you in charge of this." Kali pouted, "Don't you trust me?" I simply grinned and Kali motioned for her group to follow her and I turned to Jack and Teal'c to go in the opposite direction.

X~X~X ~ Kali, Daniel, and Sam ~X~X~X

Kali stopped suddenly after a few minutes of walking in silence. "I know exactly what you guys should get…you would never be recognized." Daniel and Sam exchanged worried glances, and then Daniel asked, "What exactly did you have in mind?" Turning to her left Kali grinned pointing to a large store sign. A look of disbelief washed over Sam's face as she said, "You have got to be kidding…"

Daniel looked at Kali with a somewhat pleading look, "Are you sure about this?" Kali gave a weak smile, looking into Daniel's eyes as if searching for something, "Trust me?" He stared back for what seemed like hours before responding, "Yea." They smiled at each other before Sam coughed rather loudly, "Guys, I'm still here."

Kali and Daniel both turned red, when Kali quickly said, "Right…The store….let's go." Daniel simply nodded and Sam smiled in amusement, following Kali into the store. Sam and Daniel took in their new surroundings, exchanging worried looks every 5 seconds. Sam looked around once more, "Um…Daniel…Where did Kali go?" Daniel looked around, "Not sure….should we be worried?" Kali answered before Sam could, "Not at all…Daniel, try these on." She shoved a pile of clothes into his arms, while Sam chuckled, "This should be interesting." Sam's smile faded when Kali handed her some clothes too. Sam made an uncomfortable face, "Do people really wear this stuff?" Kali simply grinned, as she shoved Sam into a dressing room. Daniel got the idea and went into another of his own free will.

Suddenly there was laughter from Sam's dressing room. Kali waited patiently for her to come out into the open. It was a strange sight, Sam, red hair, Knee high buckle boots, a green plaid skirt, and a black T-shirt with green lettering that said, 'Schrödinger was right…Sorry about your cat.' Kali smiled, knowing that now it was very unlikely that she would be recognized by anyone. Sam grinned, "Where did you find this shirt?" Kali smiled, "I special ordered it for myself about two weeks ago….knew you would like it." At that moment Daniel came out of his dressing room looking very uneasy. He wore black mosh boots, Baggy black Tripp pants with chains, and a black T-shirt with a faded white skull and cross bones. Along with the blonde hair it made it difficult to recognize him either. The only way they would be found out is if someone really studied their faces and voices. Kali stared at Daniel, trying to find something to say, but all that came out was a strange squeaking sound.

Sam laughed at Kali's response, unintentionally drawing attention to herself. Daniel looked toward her with could only be described as shock. Kali now finding her words, spoke up, "Let's pay for this stuff and then find the others." Sam and Daniel both became slightly panicked at the thought of Jack and Teal'c or anyone else for that matter seeing them dressed so oddly. Daniel tapped Kali on the shoulder, "Shouldn't we go change into our other clothes." Kali shook her head, "Nope, Riley has a Tab here, you can wear it out." Sighing, Daniel turned to Sam, "What do you think the others are doing?"

X~X~X ~ Riley, Jack, and Teal'c ~X~X~X

We had been walking for a few minutes before I could no longer contain the laughter building up inside. I laughed until I started crying, earning strange looks from my 'bodyguard' companions. Jack shook his head, "What's so funny?" I looked at him with a grin, "Kali is going to dress them like Goths…" Jack chuckled and Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "O'Neill, What is a Goth?" I giggled and Jack grinned even more, "I have a feeling you'll see." Turning to me, he asked, "So what did you have in mind for us?"

I shrugged, "I didn't think you needed your mommy to dress you…..but if you insist…" Jack got an irritated look, "Okay I get it, so what now?" I pointed straight ahead, "We go to any store you want and buys clothes that will fit…that good with you Murray?" Teal'c nodded. "Indeed." Smiling I said, "I bet I know where you want to go." Jack gave a disbelieving smile, "and where is that?" I grinned, "Sears." Jack nodded and then we went walking to Sears to get him and Teal'c some clothes.

X~X~X

Jack came out of the dressing room for the fifth time to ask what I thought. "Jack I told you the last four times, you can't wear stuff that you normally do, fercryinoutloud!" I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth, realizing it was too late. Jack raised an eyebrow and was speechless; Teal'c looked at me then Jack, "RileyMarsh sounds like you O'Neill." I finally removed my hand from my mouth, "Damn it Jack, this is your fault….you annoyed me into sounding like you." Jack grinned a little, "So…you've sounded like me before?" I gritted my teeth, "Jack…Drop it or I'll have Kali pick your clothes." Jack held his hands up in defense, "No need to get snippy." Teal'c nodded in agreement, "Indeed."

X~X~X

Jack, Teal'c, and I we're finally leaving Sears with a few bags of something that would actually work for both of them. Jack seemed more at ease around me now, "So how did you meet your friend?" I giggled a bit thinking about it, "Well you have to understand, when I met Kali, I was so shy that I didn't talk…..to anyone." Jack snorted, "Hard to imagine." I fought the urge to smack him upside the head, "As I was saying, I was shy. Kali and I had a gym class together and so one day she started talking to me. Every day for two weeks she talked to me. I figured she would stop eventually like everyone else, but she didn't." I stopped to take a seat at one of the benches in the middle of the mall walkway. "One day a couple of the 'cool' kids ran by and told Kali basically to 'ditch the freak.' Then I said the first words to my now best friend." Jack and Teal'c were now seated on either side of me. Jack nudged my shoulder, "So what did you say?" I grinned, "My first words to Kali were….Oh Crap Hide Me!"

Jack gave me a strange look, "Those were your first words to your best friend?" I stood up and ran behind the bench, crouching down. "No, stupid, Hide me!"

X~X~X ~ Kali, Daniel, and Sam ~X~X~X

Daniel, Sam and Kali sat at a small table in front of a cookie store. Daniel set down a sugar cookie, "So Kali….How did you and Riley meet?" Sam nodded, "Yea, you said you've known her for ten years." Kali nodded as she began to tell them how she and Riley met; reaching the end she stood up and threw away the trash from her cookies. Daniel and Sam followed suit and they continued to walk as Kali finished the story. "So one day some of the other girls ran by and said 'Come on Kali, get away from the freak.' They ran off then Riley said the first words to me ever."

Sam and Daniel look at each other with a puzzled expression. "So what did she say?" they both asked. Kali grinned, "Her first words to me were….Oh Crap…We got to run!" Sam seemed to be trying to figure out how that made sense and Daniel had to ask, "Those were her first words to you?" Kali shook her head, pointing down the walk way to Riley, Jack, and Teal'c talking to three women. "No…We got to run…those people are um…this is not good." Sam and Daniel weren't sure how to react to this so they followed Kali as she ran over to the others.

X~X~X ~ Riley, Jack, and Teal'c ~X~X~X

Jack looked like he was about to tell me to stop acting crazy, when three girls who looked like they thought they were above everything approached. "Hiding again Riley?" I stood up grumbling under my breath, "You know me, avoid trash when I can." I walked around to stand in front of my previous spot between Jack and Teal'c. "Jack, Murray, these are my cousins, Holly, Nell, and Ester. Nell and Ester don't talk; I don't think they have a mind of their own." Jack narrowed his eyes at me, "Cousins?" and Teal'c raised an eyebrow. I sighed not taking my eyes off of my cousins, "I use the term very loosely." Holly rolled her eyes, "You really should apologize for not keeping up with the family." There was an echo of agreement from Nell and Ester. I gritted my teeth together, staying quiet while she continued. Jack seemed uneasy suddenly too, but I couldn't figure out why. "After, your dad died, you and your mom made no effort to say in touch…" I interrupted Holly at that point, "That's because you made her cry at the funeral and I told all of you off." Holly smirked one of those cruel unsettling smirks, "Your dad would be ashamed." I took a step toward her, fully intent on hitting her in the face. Holly grinned, "Here I thought, it was against your stupid code to fight family." I stepped back, grinning from ear to ear, "True…" then Kali tapped Holly on the shoulder. Holly turned to face Kali and then was promptly knocked out.

Nell and Ester stood there in shock until I said, "But Kali here is completely unrelated to you. Why don't you take your sister and leave." They didn't need to be told twice, all the while Jack was laughing. Then he said, "Gee, what a bitch." Kali grinned, "So Riley, you told him your first words to me…" Jack stopped to give us a shocked look, "What?" I turned to Kali, "Nope…He figured it out on his own." Kali started to explain how it was so funny I had to help her walk back to class, while I began to notice that it was getting oddly crowded. I was seeing people come in from everywhere, and then I saw it. I ran to a secluded corner and took a flyer off the wall. I ran back to Kali franticly tapping her on the shoulder.

"Kali…Kali…KALI!" she turned to me, looking annoyed at being interrupted, "What is it Riley?" Looking around at the SG team, I said, "I need to talk to you, over there in the empty corner….just you." Jack glanced around, "Is there a problem?" I laughed nervously, "No…No problem…Kali, come on." I said dragging her a few feet away. "Riley, what is it? You said there was no problem." I nodded, "No, this isn't a problem….this is a freaking disaster." I held up the flyer in my hand for Kali to see.

**Today Only at The Fort Hood Mall**

**Signing Autographs from 3pm to 8pm**

**Michael Shanks**

**And**

**Cliff Simon**

Kali snatched the flyer from my hand in disbelief. "This is definitely bad…bad, bad, bad, bad….Daniel cannot see Michael and None of them can see Cliff…bad, bad, bad." Jack surprised us both, "Why is she saying 'bad' over and over?" Jack took the flyer from Kali's hands before we could stop him. He read the paper in his hands and looked up with a questioning look. "Who are Michael Shanks and Cliff Simon?" I glanced around at the increasing crowd and hurried everyone further into the corner. "You guys, we have to get you out of here now…" Daniel looked at Kali, "Um…why do we need to go?" Kali grinned, "But I wanted an autograph…." I glared at her until I thought of something and smiled, "Alright Kali, but you get to explain who Michael and Cliff are." Kali gulped and began to tug on Daniel's arm, "Alright Danny, let's go." Jack took this opportunity to speak up. "No one's going anywhere until we get an explanation."

Kali and I glanced at each other before bursting into a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. I held up scissors and Kali held up paper. Sighing she started to explain, "Well, your universe is a show here…you all are characters played by actors…Cliff Simon plays Ba'al." There was an awkward silence as everyone tried to absorb this. Jack started to talk again slowly, "Okay….Who the hell is Michael Shanks?" Kali seemed to suddenly lose the ability to speak. I did the first thing I thought of, I crept behind Daniel and started to point wildly at him. Teal'c nodded his head in understanding, Sam Smiled, and Jack simply replied, "Oh." Daniel on the other hand looked around at everyone else, "Did I miss something?"

X~X~X

We were now getting ready to head out to the van, Kali and I were being a tiny bit paranoid. Jack was getting irritated, "We get it, can we go now?" Kali and I took a deep breath as I said, "Remember, no talking to anyone, look down, don't let anyone stare at you too long…..Kali, you know what to do if all else fails…..Now we can go."

I led the way out from the crowd, closely followed by Sam, Teal'c, Daniel, Kali, and Jack. Everything seemed to be going well until we made it outside. There were people everywhere, lots of people. Apparently they were only allowing a certain number of people in the mall at a time, outside was chaos. I kept walking until the crowds thinned out and found a somewhat secluded area. I gathered us in a small circle.

"We can't get my van…even if we could, we couldn't drive through these people…so we are going to go to a restaurant down the street…but we have to go back through the mob." I paused long enough for everyone to look very nervous, "We will be fine as long as we stay together….Daniel, keep an eye on Kali….she doesn't do well in crowds." Everyone looked at Kali, who looked like she was going to be sick.

We got ready again and then set off into the crowd. I gave Daniel a look and he promptly held Kali's hand. We made it through slowly, trying to keep people from separating us, when somebody recognized Teal'c. Suddenly a high pitched, valley girl type voice rang out in the air, "Oh My God! It's Christopher Judge!" There was a few seconds of eerie quiet as people began to notice Teal'c, and suddenly everyone began to lurch toward us.

Kali and I simultaneously shouted, "Crap!" I looked around and shouted for us to group together. Jack, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, Kali, and I all huddled in a tight circle. "We have to try to get through….Jack, did you ever teach Teal'c about football?" Jack smirked despite the situation, "Good plan, but no…" Kali glanced at me, "Buddy System?" I nodded, "Don't like it but we can still make it if the only recognize Teal'c." So we paired off, Daniel and Kali, Jack and Sam, Teal'c and me. Teal'c and I led the way; I could hear Kali behind me, trying not to freak out by chattering away.

Suddenly another female voice told Kali, "Get out of the way!" Then I heard Daniel shouting at someone to let go. I turned around in time to see someone give Daniel's hair a good yank, pulling the wig off. All around were high pitched incoherent screams of crazed fan girls and suddenly we were swarmed. I managed to grab Kali and pull her close enough to tell her a few words then I found myself by Jack and Teal'c. Jack yelled, "Where did the others go?" I smirked, "Plan C." Jack looked pissed, "Plan C?" I nodded digging through my bag, "Yup, distract them, I'll be back to get you." I left jack cursing under his breath…trying to handle the people crowding around. I tried getting through the crowd but ended up only a few feet away. This will have to do. I thought myself, as I took my bag and set it on the ground. I crouched down and dug out what I needed.

X~X~X

Here we go. I thought as I put my plan into action. I lit the black cats in my hand, a 40 pack and tossed it in the opposite direction of where we needed to go. As soon as the loud bangs started, I stood up yelling as loud as I could, "He's got a gun! Everyone down!" Of course there was no 'He' but everyone hit the deck anyway. I waved to the rest of the gang to run for it. Kali grabbed Daniel and Sam, disappearing quickly. Jack and Teal'c met up with me and we were gone down the road before anyone had the courage to look up. Turning to Jack, I smiled, "See….Plan C."

Jack gave me a bewildered look, "C what? C4?" I gave him a stern look, "Gee…your welcome Jack…..it worked didn't it." Teal'c nodded, "Her plan was very effective O'Neill." Jack gave a defeated sigh, "Alright…what now? Where are the others?" I shrugged, "Probably heading to the rendezvous point." Jack looked highly irritated, "Are you telling me you planned for this." I shifted under his gaze a little, "Well….I always have a backup plan….or three…"

My two companions blinked at me, so I continued, "I need you to read this map and get us to point C." Jack blinked again, "You can plan to escape a mob…but you can't read a map…" I blushed, "I don't have a good sense of direction, okay..." Jack stood there, gaping at me in disbelief until Teal'c asked, "O'Neill, are you having difficulty navigating the map?" Jack glared at me before responding, "I can read it just fine…I just can't believe we are listening to her." He said gesturing to me. I rolled my eyes, "Jack you've got to lighten up….we should go…."

Except for Jack's grumbling about annoying females, it was mostly quiet. I found myself walking beside Teal'c hating every second of silence. "So…this must be strange for you…" Teal'c glanced down to me, "Indeed." I sighed, resigning myself to quiet time as we walked. It was a nice day to be out, one of those rare less than 100 Texas days, but the quietness of it all was driving me nuts. I started fiddling with my husband's extra dog tags around my neck, when the silence was interrupted.

"Excuse me..." said an average looking guy who had planted himself firmly in our path. Jack raised an eyebrow as Teal'c and I came to stand beside him. "Ignoring Teal'c and Jack, the man looked at me, "I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime?" For a moment I felt bad for the guy, "Um…Sorry but I am married." His response caught me off guard, "and?" I said the next part slowly, so he could understand everything, "I do not want to date you." He grinned a grin that could only mean something was broken on his head. "Awwww…come on…your hubby won't find out." Teal'c stepped forward, "I believe that she wishes you to leave…" Teal'c took another step forward, looming over the guy, "I advise you to do so." I had never seen someone look as terrified as he did and I couldn't stop laughing….neither could Jack.

We were still laughing when we got to the rendezvous point. Looking around the small coffee shop I took a seat at the nearest table. "I guess we wait, they were probably chased so it might take them longer." Jack raised an eyebrow, "Chased?" I shrugged, "Daniel has a rather large fan girl following…" Jack was about to say something when Kali and Sam ran up saying, "Hi." Jack gave them a strange look, "Why were you running?" Kali answered, "We didn't want to have to go to plan D." Jack huffed a little as he asked, "What's plan D?" I smiled, "Plan D is what to do if the others take too long or aren't at the rendezvous point." I paused realizing something was very wrong.

"Um…Kali…Where is Daniel?"

**Next Chapter: **_Search & Rescue_

**Author's Note: **_**You know you're a fan when Daniel's disappearance doesn't come as a surprise.**_


	6. Search & Rescue

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: So they lost Danny, shocking, wonder where he went.**_

**Chapter 6: Search & Rescue**

X~X~X~ Disappearing Danny ~X~X~X

(A/N: skips back to the crowd.)

Daniel heard Kali suggest the buddy system and before he knew it, she was holding on tightly to his arm. The crowd kept trying to move past them to get to Teal'c, it was crazy how people seemed willing to hurt others to see someone famous. Kali and Daniel lost sight of the others and things only seemed to be getting worse.

Daniel looked to Kali to ask if she could see any of the others, when he noticed how sick and panicked she looked. He decided that they had to get out of the crowd now, so he put his arm around Kali and tried to push through a bunch of girls. Unfortunately they were a group of psychotic fan girls; there was a better chance of getting through a brick wall. They got past maybe one person before girls started pushing and grabbing.

"Get out of the way!" a tall girl with a vicious look on her face exclaimed, as she attempted to yank Kali down and away. Daniel got worried when he noticed that Kali was too out of it to do anything. He grabbed the girl's hand and shouted for her to "Let Go!" Then someone went behind them and grabbed at him hoping to hurt him, the only thing they managed was to pull off the wig and let everyone know who he was. Daniel took the second of shocked silence to grab a hold of Kali again. Suddenly the girls started shrieking.

X~X~X

There was no way out of it and the crowd only seemed to get worse, suddenly there was a loud popping sound followed by someone shouting, "He's got a gun! Everyone down!" Daniel glanced around at the surrounding bodies who had flung themselves to the floor and asked Kali, rather loudly, "Wasn't that Riley's voice? That isn't…" Kali clamped her hand over his mouth so he wouldn't tell anyone it wasn't real gun fire. "Danny, do you see anyone?" Looking around he saw Sam standing up and looking lost. Pointing Kali started running toward her.

Sam noticed them and met them half way, "What was that?" Kali grinned, "Plan C….follow me." Daniel wrapped his arm around Kali's waist and when they were a safe distance from the crowd they stopped. "What's Plan C?" Sam nodded in agreement of wanting to know. Kali grinned again, "Plan C is Riley's plan for people recognizing you and swarming." Sam blinked a few times, "She planned for that?" Kali nodded, "She is like a paranoid boy scout, always prepared, for anything, anytime." Daniel and Sam chuckled at this.

Kali continued, "We have to go to the rendezvous point now, Sam would you take the map?" Sam nodded taking the map and motioning which direction they should take. They walked in silence for a few minutes before Sam spoke up, "So, Kali…this has been bugging me…I know gun fire and that wasn't gun fire…What was that?" Kali chuckled, "Knowing Riley, it was fireworks. She always says that a person is smart but people are stupid and panicky…..guess she was right."

Sam shook her head, "Aren't fireworks illegal almost all the time…Where did she get them?" Kali shrugged, "I try not to ask questions I might not want the answer to." Pausing she noticed that Daniel was still attached to her. "Um…Danny…You can let go if you want." Daniel shook his head, "If I let go of you, I am pretty sure Riley might kill me."

Kali stopped removing his arm from her waist, "Riley might kill you? Don't worry about it." Kali gave him a light shove, "I am a big girl, I can take care of myself." With that she started walking again, quickly. Sam started to move to catch up to her stopping to say to Daniel, "Smooth…real smooth." Daniel looked at the two women walking ahead of him, muttering to himself, "What did I do?"

X~X~X

He walked slowly, several feet behind Sam and Kali, who were talking quietly to themselves. He still didn't know what he did to get Kali mad at him or Sam irritated. He decided that this whole situation was very silly and sped up to join them, accidently eavesdropping on their conversation. Kali had a hurt look on her face as she spoke to Sam, "Sometimes he acts like he likes me, but then he says something like that…" Sam gave a sheepish smile, "Yea…for a smart guy…he can be really stupid."

Daniel was so engrossed in what the girls were saying that he tripped and landed with a quiet thud. He sat up, wondering how he managed to get into these messes. When he stood up he noticed the building next to him. A very old looking building with an equally old looking sign that said "The Tomb: Books on all things Egyptian." Daniel looked to Sam and Kali who were getting further away, thinking to himself, I won't be in there that long.

He walked in to find himself facing an old man who welcomed him into his shop and asked if he needed any help. Daniel smiled, "Yes, Can you please point me to section covering pyramids?" The old man's eyes seem to light up, "You are such a polite young man…To the back, third floor."

X~X~X

The clerk watched as Daniel made his way to the stairs in the back, turning when he heard his door open again. He smiled, recognizing this customer, "Hello there Julia….Got your order in…are you alright?" The other customer, Julia was staring at the stairway, "Um…Joe…who was that guy, he looks familiar." The Clerk, Joe shrugged, "Don't know, but he was very polite…..here's your order." he said picking up a book from behind the counter.

Taking her book she decided to go find that 'polite guy' and headed to the stairway. Daniel had busied himself looking at the books on the subject of pyramids, hoping to glimpse something familiar. He didn't noticed that he was being stared at rather intently, in fact he didn't notice anyone one else was there until he heard a quiet voice behind him.

"Um…I know you don't work here, but….could you help me find something?" Daniel blinked a few times before responding, "I could try…What are you looking for?" The girl got a surprised look on her face when Daniel started to get concerned, "Are you okay?" The girl seemed to stumble over her words, "yea…just…surprised you will help…I need…to find a book on the architecture of pyramids."

He smiled awkwardly as he led the way to the bottom of a self, "I think I saw just what you need over here…" Julia shifted her weight nervously as she thought about the plan in her head. She was thinking that maybe it was a bad idea but…then again, when would she get a chance like this ever again. She took a deep breath and stepped forward pulling a large book down on Daniel's head.

There was a soft and a somewhat sickening thud as Daniel slumped to the ground unconscious. Julia rolled him on his back and shook him a bit_. I can't believe it's really him…This is so great…I can't wait for us to get home_, She thought to herself. She knew that getting him out of the building wouldn't be hard; she spent a lot of time in Joe's shop. Getting him home would be the trouble.

X~X~X

Daniel woke to a soft voice calling the name Michael, his head was pounding and his vision blurry, though that wasn't surprising without his glasses. Groggily he mumbled, "Who's Michael?" His vision cleared up but was still a bit blurry, he saw the girl from the book store looking at him with concern. "You're Michael silly…that book must have hit harder than I thought." Daniel started to shift uncomfortably when he noticed some very important details, one he was no longer in the book store. Two, that girl was calling him Michael and giving him the creeps. Three and probably most important, he was now tied to a chair.

"Um….Miss?...I think you are confused…" Daniel tried to focus his eyes knowing it wouldn't help, and then heard the girl from the store reply. "My name's Julia, remember….I thought you were listening..." Daniel got a worried look on his face, "…I was unconscious…" Julia shook her head lightly giggling, "That's not an excuse to not listen…" Daniel shook his head slightly, wondering again how he gets into these situations, "Right…I need to be getting back to my friends now, so…" Julia frowned, looking at Daniel with intensity, "I'm your friend…" she paused with a thoughtful look, then smiling continued, "You'll like it here with me."

Daniel couldn't hide the 'you're crazy' look that flashed on his face, "With you?" Julia frowned again, "Don't you want to stay with me Michael?" Daniel just stared at her a minute not sure how to respond when she started to cry. "You really don't want to stay with me…" She sniffed and suddenly seemed furious, "That won't do at all."

Daniel tried to lift his hands in front of him forgetting his hands were tied, "Wait…I think you are confused…." Julia smiled taking a few steps toward him, "That was a mean joke Michael…." Daniel finally had it, "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" A stunned Julia grinned, "That's your name silly…enough with this silly bickering…"

X~X~X Lost & Found X~X~X

There was an awkward silence as everyone looked around to make sure he was really missing. I looked at Kali, "Get out your map for Plan B." Nodding she dug out a different map. Jack snapped, "What the hell is plan B? Why the hell are there so many plans?" Sam looked at him nervously, but said with a stern voice, "Sir…Calm down…We need to find Daniel." Looking to me she continued, "What's plan B?"

I gave Sam a grateful look, "Plan B is in case Daniel goes missing." Jack, calmer now asked, "Why B? Why not D?" Kali answered for me, "Riley makes plans in order of most likely to happen…" Sam laughed, "Daniel going missing was more likely than being swarmed by fans?" I smiled, "Yea…kinda…maybe not, but Kali insisted I have a plan Boonie Bear." Jack sat down, shocked by the silliness of it all. Kali pointed to a red dot on the plan B map, "This is the most likely spot we could have lost him at, a bookshop called The Tomb, and it specializes in all things Egyptian."

Jack looked at us with a look of disbelief, "I gotta ask, are either of you military?" Kali and I grinned, "Well we both took the ASVAB…I don't remember my score, but they said I was cut out for Engineering." Jack looked at me expectantly. I followed Kali's example, "I made a 98 and they wanted me for Military Intelligence." Jack whistled, "Why didn't you join?" I blushed a little, "I got pregnant." Kali continued my answer, laughing, "Yea, for 3 straight years." SMACK Kali rubbed her head, "That was not necessary."

Standing up I said to everyone, "Alright, let's go get Daniel before he gets into too much trouble." As we started walking, I thought of something. "Hey Kali….Teal'c made a guy pee himself…" Teal'c spoke up then, "I did not make him, as you say, pee himself. He did it of his own free will." The seriousness of his statement made it ten times funnier. Kali stopped laughing, "let me guess…someone hit on you again…sometimes I swear some sleazy guys think those dog tags say 'Take me, I'm yours." I rolled my eyes and Sam responded, "If only I had that problem." Jack snapped at her, "Carter! Focus!" Sam cringed, "Sorry Sir…"

I looked up, "We're here!" We all stared at the rather old looking bookstore; the whole building seemed to have dust on it. I sighed, "Kali…Lead the way." We all followed her into the old and somewhat creepy store. She walked straight to the clerk at the counter, saying cheerfully, "Pyramids please!" The clerk smiled and pointed to a large sign in the back of the store.

We followed Kali to the sign then up some stairs to the third floor. The third floor was kinda secluded…..in fact this whole place was. All the books seemed so old and there were a lot of them. We split up to look for Daniel; the shelves were too tall to simply look over. I wondered around hoping to find him reading around the corner somewhere, when we all heard Kali, "Daniel!" I went to find her hoping I was wrong in thinking something bad had happened.

We all got there around the same time, to find Kali holding Daniel's glasses and looking very upset. "I…I think someone hit him with Budge." I rubbed the back of my head, "Well, there's irony for ya." Teal'c turned to me, "I do not understand." Kali explained, "Well, it's a large and heavy book that is completely full of shit." Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Kali continued, "It's archeology book that's outdated and written by a moron." Teal'c nodded in understanding.

Jack shook his head, "That doesn't tell us what happened…" I looked at Jack, "Yes it does…The only reason Daniel would have gone near that book is if there was someone needing help." Jack nodded, "Yea...probably some damsel in distress." I looked down muttering to myself about Jack being an idiot. Kali was loudly ranting about stupid girls, stupid guy things, and stupid Daniel. Sam tapped me on the shoulder, "Did Kali just call Daniel stupid?" I smiled at her, "Yea…he's in trouble when we rescue him."

Jack stepped up, "Rescue?" I nodded again, "Isn't it obvious he was kidnapped…" Jack gave me a look I couldn't figure out. "What's the plan….I know you have one." He said this with a look that said…no, screamed he hated it. I grinned, "Now you're getting it…Kali, you know what to do." Kali tucked the glasses in her pocket, "Follow me…" She almost ran down the stairs to the clerk, "You are going to tell me every person who walked in here in the last half hour." The clerk looked surprised but didn't argue, he seemed to think Kali would hurt him if he refused…Of course she probably would have.

The clerk replied nervously, "There was polite young man and then one of the regulars, nice young lady…" Kali grabbed the poor man's shirt, "What's her name and where does she live?" I grabbed her hands, "Kali…let go…Kali…please let go…Murray, help." Teal'c grabbed Kali around the waist, easily pulling her away. I turned to the clerk, "Um…sorry….she is just…worried…our friend, the polite young man…didn't meet up with us…we just want to make sure he is okay." The clerk smiled suddenly, turned to Kali, "I am so sorry for not understanding young lady, let me go write down the information for you."

There was silence as everyone glanced at each other, Jack coughed, "Did that clerk just apologize to you for being assaulted?" Kali laughed a little, "Riley can handle almost any situation without violence." I beamed with pride, "It's a gift." Jack looked between the two of us, "What do you do when that doesn't work?" We didn't get to answer; the clerk came back with the needed information.

The clerk smiled and handed Kali a small piece of paper, "Her name is Julia Smith, she lives right down the street, in a closed antique shop. The building owners let her live there because she has no family…sad story….I hope you find your friend." Nodding Kali, turned and headed out the door. We followed, not knowing exactly what would happen.

X~X~X~ On the Way ~X~X~X

The Clerk had said it wasn't far away but with everyone being silent it seemed to take forever. Fortunately I wasn't the only one to think so, Jack turned to Sam and Kali to ask, "So, how exactly did you lose Daniel?" Sam coughed a bit and Kali looked down, then answered, "I kinda got mad at him and walked ahead of him…"

I looked at her in mock horror, "Oh dear lord…He talked didn't he?" Jack smirked, adding, "Yup, that'll do it." Kali huffed a little, "Hey Daniel doesn't get people mad by simply opening his mouth you know." Sam smiled sweetly, "Yea, he just isn't great with the ladies."

Jack chimed in, "Oh, he said something that kind of stupid…" I chuckled, "Figures" turning to the only silent one of the bunch I added, "What do you think Teal'c?" Raising an eyebrow he responded simply, "I think we should proceed to DanielJackson's location." We all paused a moment before simultaneously saying, "Right!"

I sighed, "We'll be there in a few minutes, let's stop here and get ready." Jack raised an eyebrow, "Get ready?" I smiled, "Yup…..Kali need you over here." We dug through our bags for things they would need. That's when Jack spoke up, "Let me guess, Explosives." I shook my head and he continued, "Guns?" I shook my head again a little irritated, "Nope." He kept going, "Knock out gas?" Standing up I turned to him, "No but I wish I had some. Just what the hell is you problem?"

Jack crossed his arms, "The problem is I don't know what you are going to do next, you are unstable, unpredictable, seem like a con artist, and I don't trust you." I felt a pang of hurt, "You don't trust me…" I said it slowly trying to make sense of that, instead I just got angry. "You jerk, you appear in my home, I house your sorry butt, feed you, all in an attempt to help you get home. You have the gall to tell me you don't trust me, my methods may not be within your range of moral approval, but it's how I live." I glared at him, picking up my bag.

I pushed by Jack, giving him a disappointed look, behind me I heard Kali yell at him. "I don't give a damn whether you trust me and Riley or not, but we need to rescue Daniel, so get your ass in gear!" Kali came to walk next to me and we heard Sam, "Sir?" followed by Jack answering "Carter, Teal'c, let's go." So we all headed into the building we hoped held Daniel.

X~X~X

The building's bottom floor was a closed down antique shop like the Clerk said, so now we had to find the entrance to the second floor. I pulled a lock pick kit out of my pocket and handed it to Sam, catching the look Jack was giving me. Kali must have caught it to because she said, "Her kids lock her out of the house….a lot." Jack tilted his head to the side, "I thought they were toddlers…" Kali smiled and I responded together, "They are, they're just talented." Sam walked to us handed the set back to me, "Door is open Riley…" I grinned, "Actually I think Jack should lead from here on in….storming a castle is not my forte."

Jack led the way into the antique shop; there was a straight pathway to a counter in the back. Behind that there were some stairs, everyone was silent and we could here faint voices from upstairs. Looking around I said, "I guess he's up there." And Kali ran up the stairs, with everyone following closely behind.

I wasn't prepared for the sight before me and neither was anyone else, especially Kali. Daniel was tied to a chair, looking very uncomfortable and for good reason. Straddling him had to be his kidnapper, Julia. She seemed to be trying to kiss him and to Daniel's credit, he was doing a good job of avoiding her. I hesitated but looked at Kali anyways, she was pissed, the kind of angry that kept you frozen in one place and somehow I knew that wouldn't last long.

Turning I saw a look of shock on Sam, a raised eyebrow on Teal'c, and a look of amusement on Jack. Before anyone could find something to say Kali marched forward and yanked Julia off of Daniel with enough force for her to slide a few feet on the floor. Then she started to yell at Daniel, "What do you think you are doing?" Daniel stared at her in disbelief, "I'm tied to a Chair!" he yelled back. I turned to Jack and Sam, "Anyone bring popcorn?"

Kali glared back at Daniel, "Well if you didn't walk off, you wouldn't be tied to a chair!" Daniel rolled his eyes, "If you hadn't of gotten mad for no reason, I wouldn't have walked off!" Kali was so mad she almost smiled, "No Reason! If you weren't a stupid jerk I wouldn't have gotten mad!" That's when Jack chimed in, "She's got you there Daniel." Sam added a quiet, "Yup." Daniel and Kali yelled, "Stay out of it!" I sighed, "We get it, you're mad at each other…Can we move on now?" Teal'c agreed, "Indeed." Then Daniel and Kali yelled at us, "Shut up!" Teal'c simply responded with, "I will not…You should untie DanielJackson."

Kali grumbled a little, saying "yea, yea, yea," as she went around to the back of the chair to untie Daniel. Seeing that untying him would not be quick or easy she pulled out her pocket knife and told Daniel, "Don't squirm, I have to cut these." As she set to cutting through the rope tying up Daniel, no one noticed Julia or that she was suddenly gone from the floor.

We were all entranced and oddly entertained by Daniel and Kali's bickering. Since our eyes were on the two of them, we didn't see Julia or the knife she held. No one did until we heard a psychotic sounding voice shout, "She can't have you!" Julia lunged forward toward Daniel. Kali saw what was about to happen and dropping her pocket knife, stood up and moved herself in front of Daniel.

Everything seemed to stop as Julia stepped back with a bloody knife in her hand. Daniel had somehow gotten free and caught Kali as she fell. I just stood there a second in shock and I tackle Julia to the floor. I started swing at her not even bothered but the cuts her knife gave me, I continued even after she was unconscious until Jack pulled me off of her. "You need to stop or you'll kill her." I started to cry tears of anger and fear, "She hurt Kali…She hurt Kali…" Jack looked at me with an indefinable look, whatever he saw, he never expected it.

X~X~X

Daniel lowered Kali to the ground trying not to shake her looked down to check the wound. He lifted her shirt, revealing her abdomen which was already covered in blood and grimaced. If nothing was done she could very well bleed out, applying pressure to the wound to the best of his ability he began to talk to her to keep her conscious. "Come on Kali…Open your eyes." Daniel gave her a concerned look when she didn't, running his fingers through her hair, he tried again. "Kali, stay with me…"

"Always." Came the groggy reply, as Kali opened her eyes slightly. Daniel smiled both at her response and her consciousness, "You know that was a really stupid thing you did…" Kali grinned slightly, "Yea…well now we're even." Daniel shook his head softly, "You're really hurt, you know." Kali smiled, "Yea…" Daniel saw her eyes close again and called for someone to hurry up and help.

**Next Chapter: Misunderstanding**

**Author's Note:** _**Dun Dun Duuunnnnn…Sorry for the cliff hanger but I'm mean, until next time.**_


	7. Misunderstanding

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: Now then, will the violence never cease? R & R**_

**Chapter 7: Misunderstanding**

I heard Jack's voice as I fought to get back to beating the crap out of Julia, "You have to stop. Kali needs help." I nodded and let my arms fall to my side. "There's a med kit in my bag…" I motioned to Sam which bag it was in and watched as she dug through and ran to Kali.

Jack was still studying me, noting that I hadn't looked at Kali once since she was stabbed. "Where is the nearest hospital?" I shook my head, "I'd have to explain you guys….We are going home." Jack looked at me in disbelief, "Are you nuts? She needs medical attention! Are you just going to let her bleed to death?" Instantly I followed my first instinct and slapped him.

I looked him straight in the eye, "Next time you say something so stupid, I will punch you…I know someone who can help, but we have to get home first." Sam walked up to the two of us as did Teal'c. Sam seemed to sense the tension, "Teal'c just tied Julia to the chair…whatever we're going to do; we have to do it quick. I have her stable for now but I don't know how long she'll stay that way."

I fought the urge to look over at Kali, "The fastest way to my van is through the crowd." Jack glanced around at everyone, and then looked back at me, "How do you suppose we do that?" The serious look on my face deepened, "Leave that to me…" Looking to Teal'c I put my hand on his shoulder, "Will you please stay with Kali?" Teal'c nodded and went over to where Daniel and Kali were.

I turned to Jack and Sam, "You guys come with me in case things get…..violent." In unison Jack and Sam repeated the last part as a question, "Violent?" I sighed, "Hey, cut me a little slack, we're about to walk through a mob." They nodded and we headed out.

X~X~X

We ran until we got to the crowded area in our way. I took a deep breath and yelled, "We need to get through and you will get the hell out of the way." A rather large and angry looking man stepped in front of me, "Pretty big and bad for a little girl, must be an emergency." There was a not too subtle hint of sarcasm in what he said. I closed my eyes and opened them again smiling, "Yes it is…Now move." Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he said, "Or what?" I grinned; thankful I was just given the opportunity to hit something.

I hit the 'tough guy' as hard as I could and my hand hurt like hell afterwards. It also knocked the guy clean out. Looking at the crowd of people staring blankly at me, I shouted, "Now…Out of our way." Suddenly a path revealed itself and before long we made it to my van. I got in and started it up, unlocking the doors for Jack and Sam. As soon as their doors were shut I told them to "Buckle up and hang on." Jack tapped me on the shoulder, "Don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think I should drive, it being an emergency and all."

Jack shifted uncomfortably, figuring this was possibly the worse time to bring up someone's slow driving. I simply smirked, "Be sure to hold on." I pulled out of the parking space and away from the crowd, hearing grunts of surprise from my passengers. Jack finally found the ability to speak after a few seconds, "Okay….you can drive fast…but we are going in the wrong direction." Turning into an alleyway, I said, "Jack, you worry too much." The alleyway ended and I turned right on to a not too busy street, after a few minutes I made a left on to a one way. After a few minutes I made a highly dangerous and illegal U-turn and pulled aside Julia's building.

Glancing in the rear view mirror I saw a very sick looking Sam, "Are you okay Sam?" She groaned and responded, "Just didn't expect… that…Are we there yet?" I smiled slightly, "Yea…" I was out of the van before Sam or Jack opened their doors. Running into the room where we left Kali, Daniel, and Teal'c, I shouted "Is she okay?" Daniel stared at me blankly, as if trying to avoid calling me names, "She's been stabbed! How do you think she's doing?" Teal'c added calmly, "KaliMorgan is still unconscious."

I heard a quiet grumbling; looking toward the sound I saw Julia, now conscious and tied to a chair. Ignoring her to the best of my ability, I said to no one in particular, "We have to get her home as soon as possible…I'll start the car." Jack grabbed the keys from my hand, "We are getting there in one piece…You are not driving." Irritated at how slowly he said that I started to argue, but decided it would be quicker to agree. "Fine." I said to Jack as I grabbed mine and Kali's bags from the floor. Everyone stopped what they were doing when Julia's voice rang out, "I hope she dies." I dropped the bags and turned to look at her, "So, I guess we'll be seeing you, by the way, how many visitors do you get here?" Her face went to a look of worry as I continued, "Don't worry I am sure that someone will here you yelling from way up here, I will even leave you some water." I set a bottle of water at her feet and turned my back on her

I then picked up our bags again, "Let's get going." Before I knew it we were in my van heading home. Daniel kept glancing at Kali with concern and then turned to Jack, "Can't you go any faster, we got to hurry." I couldn't stop myself from snapping at him, "Shut up Daniel, you've caused enough trouble." It was obvious I hurt his feelings, but I was way too stubborn to take it back. Quietly we heard Kali say, "Non ti preoccupare caro, Riley ha paura." I turned just in time to see Daniel blushing at least three shades of red. Jack never even took his eyes of the road as he asked, "What did she say?"

Daniel's blush deepened as he stammered out an answer, "Um…she said not to worry…that Riley is just scared." He kept going over what Kali had said in his mind. _Don't worry Dear, Riley is just scared_. Still unsure on whether to be happy or blame the tenderness of what she said on blood loss, he let it go. Suddenly we were stopped in my driveway; Jack had gotten us home so fast that no one really noticed. As everyone rushed to get Kali into the house, I opened the front door and rushed to the phone.

Daniel walked to me with a look of concern and worry, "Why are we here? I thought we were going to a hospital…" He trailed off as I stared at him. "If you're done, I will call someone who can help or would you rather I order a pizza." There was an odd silence as Kali was placed on the couch and everyone gathered round in a not so subtle attempt to eavesdrop. You could actually feel them struggle to hear the phone call I was making.

"…"

"Michael, get your bag and get over here."

"…"

"No…Sean isn't hurt."

"…"

"No…None of the kids are here."

"…"

"Shut up and get over here…its Kali."

I was still holding the phone when Michael burst through the door. He looked around the room once before his eyes fell on Kali, who was looking very pale on the couch. Michael immediately took charge, "I want everyone out of here," Taking a moment to look me straight in the eye, he added. "Riley, I expect answers later…Someone get her out of here before she faints." Sam studied me for a few seconds before saying to everyone, "She does look a little pale." When Jack started to study me, I began to feel like a zoo animal. Jack took a step back from me, "Please don't puke on me." I was beginning to feel woozy, but mustered up something dripping with sarcasm, "Funny…Kali says that all the time."

I started to walk toward my bedroom when things started to get fuzzy. I felt my balance start to fail, when Teal'c grabbed my arm to steady me. "Are you in need of assistance RileyMarsh?" I smiled and waved him off, "I'm fine…really…" Then I caught a glimpse of Kali's bloodied shirt and everything went black.

X~X~X

Teal'c caught Riley as she slumped to the floor, No one seemed to notice though, their attention was on Michael and Daniel. They were currently glaring at each other. Michael made no attempt to hide his annoyance, "I told you to get out." Daniel replied with an equal amount of irritation, "I am not going anywhere." Opening his bag, Michael didn't even spare Daniel a glance, "That wasn't a request." Cursing his luck with finding stubborn people, Daniel replied, "You need help and I am not leaving, so what do I do?" Michael nodded, also cursing his luck with stubborn people, and then noticed that Riley had passed out. Looking at Teal'c he said, "You should put her in her bed…she'll be out for a while."

There was a lot of nervous, anxious silence as Michael worked on Kali. When he was done he ushered everyone into Riley's bedroom, then turning to Jack he said, "Okay, I need answers…What are a bunch of actors doing in Riley's house and How did Kali get hurt?" Jack looked around the room in a rather dramatic manner, "Carter, Teal'c, You see any actors?" Sam tried not grin at his antics, "No Sir." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "Nor do I O'Neill." That's when a pillow hit Jack in the head, followed by Riley grumbling about loud people.

X~X~X

I glanced around groggily, wondering why I was being looked at strangely. Jack held up the pillow that had hit him, "Why always me?" I shrugged, "Lucky I guess…in all honesty, I was aiming for Michael." Michael glared at me, "Cute, but I still need answers." Sighing I patted a spot on my bed, "You had better sit down for this one." He crossed his arms and didn't move, making it clear he'd rather stand. I rolled my eyes, "Have it your way."

I explained everything that had happened as reasonably as I possibly could…it didn't help. I ended my explanation with, "…and now here we are…what do you think?" Michael looked at me with a pained look, "I think I should've sat down." There was an awkward silence before Michael spoke again, "I don't know why I am surprised you and Kali got into trouble yet again."

The Sg-1 team exchanged worried glances, before Daniel asked the burning question, "Um…What kind of trouble do they usually get into?" Michael glared at him, "Shut up! You have no room to even talk about trouble; Kali is hurt because of you!" Everyone tensed as if waiting for Michael to make a move toward Daniel when a loud Smack was heard. Everyone was surprised that I had smacked Michael. I couldn't help but be irritated, "Michael, you know perfectly well that Kali would've done the same thing for anyone here, especially you and you know she'll be fine or you would be at her side now….So back off." That's when Michael noticed the cuts on my arms, "What happened to you?" I looked down, "Hmmm, I guess she managed to cut me…I'll take care of it."

Michael grumbled and went to go check on Kali, Daniel looked at me in shock. "I thought you blamed me too…" I smiled, standing to look him in the eye, "Kali doesn't blame you, why should I? …Dear." Patting him on the back I left a very red Danny as I went to check on Kali and bandage my arms. When everyone joined Michael and me in the living room, they saw Michael gathering up his supplies as I covered Kali with a blanket.

Standing and picking up his now packed bag, Michael announced to the whole room, "I'm going to get Kali a change of clothes, be back in a few." Daniel spoke up, "Doesn't Kali live here?" Michael grinned and winked at me, "Didn't she tell you…Kali lives with me." Flashing a rather mocking smile, he walked out the door. Daniel stood there, looking confused and somewhat hurt and I stood there in complete irritation.

Jack spoke next, asking a question that everyone knew Daniel didn't want to hear the answer to, "Are Michael and Kali…" I interrupted, still irritated at Michael, "Friends? Yea and nothing else." Jack grimaced, "Yikes! I just asked." I shook my head, "Sorry, long day…people being stabbed and what not…" I decided I had to do the only thing that would keep me calm, "Will you guys help me make dinner please?"

Dinner was quiet and so was breakfast for that matter, I guess everyone was worried about Kali who had yet to wake up. Michael and Daniel barely left her side the whole time, somehow managing to avoid each other all the while. We had all resorted to crossword puzzles and reading to keep busy and quiet. So we all heard it when Kali woke up. Immediately Daniel and Michael; were alert.

Kali opened her eyes sleepily, "Danny…" Daniel smiled while Michael looked slightly disappointed. Daniel grabbed her hand, "I'm right here Kali." She smiled slightly, "Where is Michael?" I thought I saw Daniel flinch as gently let go of Kali's hand and answered, "…He's right here…" Michael took Kali's hand smiling, "Mornin Sunshine." Kali rolled her eyes, "Stop with the sunshine crap…Riley still alive?" Michael looked a bit puzzled, "She wasn't even hurt…" Kali grinned a bit, "I know…figured you killed her." Michael smiled, "Didn't want you mad at me."

That's when Kali noticed that Michael was acting just a little…different, but couldn't quite figure out why. Deciding he was just really worried, Kali squeezed his hand, "Don't worry so much, it'll take more than a stab wound to kill me." Michael nodded before going silent. I had been watching this weird rivalry that Daniel and Michael seemed to have with minor amusement, judging from the looks on everyone else's faces, well not Teal'c, so had Sam and Jack. Then Daniel stood, looking rather deep in thought and walked out the back door. Kali must've heard it, "Who left?" Jack answered, "Daniel did…he seemed upset…" Kali tried to sit up, only to be stopped by Michael, "You can't move yet…" Kali ignored him, "I need to make sure Danny is okay." Michael gave a defeated sigh when she tried to get up again, "Would it be okay if I sent Riley?" Kali glared at him as the reason he was acting different suddenly became very clear to her, "Michael, you can either help me stand or get the hell out of the way." Michael shook his head and just picked Kali up, knowing what he was doing I ran to open the back door for them.

X~X~X

Daniel glanced up when he heard the door and was shocked by what he saw. Michael was bringing Kali outside, "What are you doing? She should be lying down!" Michael rolled his eyes, "Really? I thought I'd have her do jumping jacks!" Kali glared at both of them, "You know I am right here and can hear both of you, right?" After getting blank stares from both of them, she turned her head to Michael, "You need to stop being such a sarcastic bastard, that is my job! Now put me down!" Michael rolled his eyes again and set Kali in one of the chairs on the porch. Kali looked at Daniel with a small smile, "…and Daniel, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." Without even looking at him Kali said to Michael, "Shut up Michael!" He pretended to be offended, "Hey, I wasn't going to say a word." Kali shook her head lightly, "Now for the reason I'm out here…"

She paused to glare at Michael, "I don't know exactly what impression Michael gave you, but we are not anything more than friends, never will be. Now that that's clear, what's wrong?" Daniel smiled a bit, "It was my fault you got hurt…and I can't handle that…I think maybe its best if we don't get any closer to each other then we already are." Kali looked like she had just been stabbed again and Michael quietly knocked on the back door, Riley opened it, took one look at Kali and asked Teal'c to carry her inside. Nodding he did just that.

Michael closed the door behind them, without even looking at Daniel he said, "You really think that helps anything? All you've done is break her heart, I don't think you really cared to begin with." Daniel snapped at him, "Of course I care for her, that's why we can't be together. Even if we get closer, I will have to leave eventually and when that happens…right now we can still get over it." Michael frowned, "Don't you think she should have a say in this, your decision is selfish, you claim to want to protect Kali, but really…you're just protecting yourself." Michael sighed, "I am going to get something to cheer Kali up and you really should talk to her." Michael went through the back yard gate leaving Daniel alone on the porch, taking a deep breath Daniel stepped back inside.

X~X~X

He walked back inside noting the looks he was getting, Jack and Sam were giving him looks of concern, Teal'c as well only more subtle. Kali didn't look at all, she was staring into space. Riley was staring at him with a look that very clearly said, 'Drop dead Jerk.' Daniel held up his hands in silent defense and said, "Okay first, Riley, Michael said he'd be right back with something to cheer up Kali…Secondly, Could everyone find something interesting to do outside and give Kali and I some privacy…I really need to talk to her." Everyone headed to the door except for Riley and that didn't escape Daniel's notice, "Riley, please, I really need to talk to Kali." He gave Riley a pleading look as she simply stared at him, undaunted by his request. "Um…No…last time you 'talked' to her she came back so hurt she zoned out, You are not getting another chance!"

Daniel was a little surprised at how scary Riley could actually be, when Kali spoke up, "Ri…please, I promise I'll yell if I need you." Riley glanced at Kali, happy to see her back in the land of the living, "Fine…" Turning back to Daniel, Riley looked him directly in the eye, "If you hurt her again, I swear to you that they will never find the body." Daniel gulped as Riley went out the door, and then sat next to Kali. He stared at her for a while trying to figure out how to word what he had to say.

"Kali…" Daniel paused with a nervous look, "I am not sure how to explain what I said…I was trying to protect you, I didn't mean to hurt you." Kali looked him in the eye raising an eyebrow, "Protect me from what exactly?" Daniel was getting more nervous by the minute, "I can't stay here forever and when I leave it's already going to be hard, if we get any closer it will be worse." Kali glared at him, "That isn't your choice to make alone, the real question we need to ask is if it is worth it. So tell me, Is it worth it to you?" Daniel's face softened, "Are you kidding? Of course it's worth it, I care about you a lot, but…" Kali held up her hand and smiled, "Then we will worry about good bye when the time comes."

She looked at Daniel for another moment, "You know, you're absolutely cute when you're nervous…I care about you too, anyone with eyes can see that." Kali stopped suddenly realizing what she had just said and started to blush. Daniel Then realized all that he had said and they just sat there blushing at each other when Michael came through the door.

Michael looked between the two of them, "Am I interrupting?" Riley practically shoved him out of the way, "Were they making out or something?" Riley made a show of studying them when Jack came in behind her, "Really? I thought it was quiet…"

X~X~X

I had to glare at him; naturally Jack couldn't keep his mouth shut. I started inching backwards toward the door when I heard Kali's voice loud and clear, "Riley Annabelle Marsh! Were you eavesdropping?" By this time everyone had already come back in the house and questioned at the same time, "Your middle name is Annabelle!" I glared at no one in particular, "Shut up!" Kali's coughed loudly to get everyone's attention, "Well…" I gulped a little; "Do I have to answer that?" Daniel raised an eyebrow, "Jack?" Jack and I looked at each other as we pointed and said at the same time, "It was her/his idea!"

Daniel and Kali wore the same look on their faces before both asking the same question, "Teal'c, who's idea was it?" Jack and I both started cursing under our breath, Teal'c wouldn't lie. Teal'c glanced briefly in our direction before telling the truth of it all, "O'Neill suggested that it would be "cool" to know what you were saying, and I believe RileyMarsh already had a plan to do just that." I heard Kali scold Jack in surprise, "Jack! Why would you do that?" I was about to ask why she was surprised when I heard Daniel scolding me, "Riley A-" I stopped him, "Finish that and I don't care how much she likes you, I will kill you."

Unfortunately, Kali heard me, "Riley, I don't think you are in any position to threaten him, do you?" I rolled my eyes as I prepared to dig a deeper hole for myself when Michael walked over to Kali and set something in her lap, saying loudly, "Our son missed you." This made Kali turn red, Daniel freeze, and both forget they were mad. The others might've been shocked if they hadn't been studying Michael, Kali and Daniel so closely, in fact no one seemed to notice what was actually in Kali's lap at all, they simply reacted.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow before smirking slightly toward Kali, Sam's eyes widened in shock before she noticed and tried to stay quiet, Jack looked completely confused, "Son? A kid, really?...oh." Jack got suddenly quiet when he actually looked. Daniel looked like he was going to keel over before he looked down at Kali's lap, before he stop himself he exclaimed, "Oh thank goodness…It's just a cat…Michael, seriously, you enjoy messing with me don't you?" Kali was in her own world, "Oh Ja- JD I missed you so much." I noticed that she didn't want to say his full name, knowing that would come in handy very soon.

**Next Chapter: Without Riley**

_**Yes I know, very dramatic, I just couldn't help myself….Next chapter is pretty straight forward and hopefully funny**_


	8. Without Riley

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: Well maybe things went badly, but it can't worse right? as always R & R**_

**Chapter 8: Without Riley**

There was an awkward silence as everyone realized Kali and Michael referred to a cat as their son. It didn't last long, before I knew it; Kali was back to wanting to hear an explanation, "Riley, I still want to know why you were eavesdropping…" I did the only thing I could that would save me, "Kali, do you really want to argue in front of Jack Daniel?" Kali visibly cringed as she glanced around the room hoping no one had heard me. Jack was grinning ear to ear, "You named your cat Jack Daniel…" He put extra stress on the Jack part, I think to annoy Danny, I also think it worked. Daniel stared at Kali in disbelief before blurting out, "You put Jack's name first!"

Kali, still loving on Jack Daniel (the cat), shook her head, "Don't take so personal, I had to put his name first." I could see the size of Jack's head increasing by the minute, when he decided to jump into the conversation. "Well, of course she put Jack first; it's clearly the better name." I had to laugh at that, "Don't get too excited, she just didn't want people to know how big of a dork she actually is." Daniel raised an eyebrow, "So being mistaken for an alcoholic is better?"

Kali shrugged, "You have no idea how often I have to defend myself….honestly not sure which my family thinks is better." I took the confused silence as my cue to ask Michael a question, "Hey Michael, how long will it take Kali to heal up, the kids need to stay away until then." He shrugged, "I'd say about three weeks to a month." I groaned, "I am never going to live this down, Well, I have to make a phone call keep it down." Jack responded curiously, "Who you gonna call?"

Kali and I both instantly shouted, "Ghost-Busters!" then Kali, Michael, Jack, and I all laughed uncontrollably. Daniel shook his head, I am guessing from embarrassment, "You are all such dorks." Everyone paused to look at Daniel, and then we all laughed again. Kali tried to stop laughing but only managed to mumble something about laughing being evil. When I finally caught my breath I answered his question, "I have to call my in-laws, tell them the kids can't come back just yet…" Jack nodded slightly and I started dialing, "Remember stay quiet everyone, especially you Teal'c." Everyone glanced at Teal'c who simply replied, "I will try RileyMarsh."

"…"

"Hey, how are the kids doing?"

"…"

"Hi Dawn…..Really a cat….well next time try to stop your brother from doing that…..yes….love you sweetie."

"…"

"Hi Sean….yes I heard about the kitty…we talked about being nice…..bye Sean."

"…"

"Hi Richard….Hi…..Bye Richard."

"…"

"Yes, well, about that…I can't bring the kids home just yet…"

"…"

"Well, there was an accident, I kinda stabbed Kali…"

"…."

"Yes I know I'm clumsy…got it, no holding sharp objects and moving….yes I know I need to learn some balance…"

"…"

"Three weeks to a month…..well thanks…see you then, bye"

As I hung up the phone I noticed that everyone was staring at me funny…..well not Kali or Michael but they used to. Jack scratched his head, "You know….if it was anyone else telling someone that story, I'd ask if they actually believed it….but…never mind." Kali grinned at him, "Come on, she's not that bad…that often." Sam nodded in agreement, breaking the silence she had kept for a while, "Sir, she doesn't seem that bad….I think you're just upset that she threw milk on you, punched you, smacked you, and threw a pillow at your head." I smacked my forehead, "Guys…I'm still here."

The next few weeks kinda flew by, before I knew it, we were acting like we had all always been friends. Granted Jack kept getting the proverbial short end of the stick when it came to my clumsiness, what can I say, he's lucky I guess. Sam and Teal'c actually managed to fix my TV…still not entirely sure how they did it, but they did, I still have the sneaking suspicion they replaced it behind my back. Michael had finally stopped hovering over Kali, unfortunately the result was a sweetness between Danny and Kali that actually made me barf a little, you know, in a nice kinda way. Then the time came for me to go get my kids.

X~X~X

Riley came into the living room with a medium sized suitcase and a stern look, "I have to go pick up my kids, I'll be back in two days…Do not touch anything." Jack held up his hands in defense, "Did you have to look at me when you said that?" Sam snickered, "Sir, you did go through her stuff…and there was the fridge incident." Jack grumbled and Kali added, "Stop grumbling Jack, you messed with the kitchen and lived." Daniel spoke up next, "Your in-law's live two days away?" I shook my head, "Nah, only a few hours but I figured I would take them out or something for taking care of the kids so long." Daniel nodded.

Teal'c came up with a suggestion, "Perhaps they would enjoy Jell-O Wrestling, O'Neill once took me to such an event…." He was interrupted however by Jack's coughing fit, Sam and Daniel both shouting at him, and Michael's surprised look. Riley simply walked up to him and hugged him, "It's okay, I always knew you were a deviant." Then she hugged everyone else, saying her good byes, then ran out the door.

Jack sat there in disbelief, "Did she really call me a deviant?" Kali tried to interrupt him, "Jack." It didn't work as he continued asking no one in particular, "I am not a deviant…jell-o wrestling isn't that bad…" Sam and Daniel simply shook their heads unsure what to say when Kali called to him again, "JACK!" He was startled, "WHAT?" Kali grinned, "Where is your wallet?" Jack absently grabbed for it when he realized it was gone, "Damn it….I am sending her the bill…" Meanwhile Michael handed Kali the twenty bucks he owed her for losing the bet.

X~X~X

Kali smirked at her newest profit, "How many times do I have to tell you, never bet against Riley." Michael shook his head, "How was I supposed to know he wouldn't notice her taking his wallet, He is supposed to be special ops!" Jack looked in Michael's direction, "I resent that." Glancing at Jack, Kali couldn't help the way her thoughts were going, before long she had a big grin plastered on her face. Michael took one look at her before announcing, "Looks like Kali has an idea." Sam asked curiously, "Is that good or bad?" Michael shrugged, "Eeh…it depends…"

Daniel tapped Kali on the shoulder, "Are you okay?" Kali waved him off still half in her own little world, "Yea…just thinking about Jell-o Wrestling…" Daniel couldn't help the shocked and mildly disturbed look on his face as Jack piped up, "Didn't know you were into that sort of thing…" His lopsided grin faded when a pillow hit him in the face, "Not that you jerk, Riley was right, you are a deviant!" Jack looked appalled, "I have been called a lot of things…Jerk, Ass, Son of a Bitch, by Daniel alone…" Pausing he looked at Daniel who was still a little stunned, "Why are you my best friend again?...The point is I am not a Deviant!"

Daniel shook his head, "So…What is your idea Kali?" Kali looked at Jack, "When you took Teal'c to Jell-o Wrestling, that was during the whole Orlin debacle, right." Jack looked dumbfounded, "I keep forgetting you know things, you aren't supposed to." Sam simply looked in shock for a few seconds, "It was a debacle…What's your point?" Kali grinned, "Orlin built a Stargate…in your basement…with everyday things….why couldn't we?" There was a stunned silence when Michael broke it, "Well, it's healthier than a boat."

Jack seemed hesitant to celebrate, "Carter…Could that work?" Sam looked thoughtful for a moment, "Well…If I can remember all the parts Orlin used and get them all…then , yeah, it could be possible." Kali grinned, "I can help with that, we can make a list of everything we need." Kali frowned at the odd looks she was getting when it dawned on her that they had forgotten an important detail. "Remember guys…I have all of you on DVD…" They all seemed uneasy when Jack responded, "Yea…That's just creepy…" Teal'c nodded in agreement, "Indeed."

Daniel was now rubbing his forehead out of the sheer weirdness of it all, "Wait…Didn't Riley hide all the DVD's?" Kali shrugged, "Yea, but I know all her hiding spots…" she added in a whisper, "plus I have copies of all of them…" The SG team simultaneously sputtered, "What!" Kali had the look of a deer caught in headlights, when she was saved by Michael walking back into the house. Jack looked at him with an odd look, 'When did you even leave?" Michael promptly ignored him handing Kali a large CD case, "Thought I should grab your DVD's for you." Kali grinned from ear to ear saying a quick "thanks" and dragging Sam away to watch for the supplies they would need.

X~X~X

Daniel, Jack and Teal'c all sat in the living room a little unsure what to do, Kali had dragged Sam away and Michael had oddly disappeared again. There was an uncomfortable silence that was only broken by hearing Sam complain loudly about how watching herself on TV was so strange it was almost wrong. Kali yelled back that she needed to focus and stop being a baby. Daniel and Teal'c looked down the hallway with concern while Jack nearly fell off the couch laughing. A silence settled throughout the house and it stayed that way for an excruciatingly awkward 3 minutes before Jack broke the silence, "I'm hungry. Anyone else hungry? I gonna make some food."

He was up and in the kitchen before anyone could argue, but suddenly food sounded like a great idea. After a few hours the guys settled back down on the couch with a few sandwiches and life seemed great until Sam and Kali emerged from Riley's room. They were talking quietly with each other until Kali suddenly fell silent looking at the kitchen. " What…why…How did you make such a mess making sandwiches?" Kali was downright pissed and for good reason, the kitchen looked like a tornado had gone through it. Sam glanced toward the kitchen and then her jaw dropped, she wondered out loud, "Just how long were we in that room?"

The next 15 minutes passed quickly with Kali yelling that guys were pigs, Michael showed up out of nowhere taking offense to being lumped in with the others. Kali took a deep calming breath…it didn't work, "Michael, take everyone to our house for a while." Michael tilted his head a little, "Why?" Kali rolled her eyes as she responded, "When Riley calls, I won't be able to lie to her about the kitchen….I have to clean it up." Everyone was surprised Kali was kicking them out of Riley's house, all of them, despite Sam's insistence that she could help. The SG team stood there insisting they clean up, when Kali held up her hand pointing toward the door, "Get…Out…Now!" Jack leaned over to Michael, "Is she going to kill us?" Michael smirked, "Not until you're asleep." Jack hadn't expected that response, "What?" Teal'c smirked slightly, "I do not require sleep."

Everyone stood silent for a moment trying to figure out if what just happened…well happened, it was Michael who broke that silence, "…I think Teal'c made a joke…" Everyone kind of nodded but seemed to hesitate as if the sky would fall any second. Jack patted Teal'c on the back, "Good one big guy!" Teal'c nodded and Kali shoved them all out the door.

X~X~X

The day was uneventful even after the SG team was allowed back into the house, they watched a few movies ate some take out and then went to sleep. Kali slept in Riley's bed again, but kept waking up for various reasons. Looking back on the day she grinned as she recalled having them child proof the house before Riley got back with the kids, not that it would stop those kids, but it would slow them down some. It was about 2:45 in the morning when Kali finally started to drift to sleep when loud cursing could be heard from the kitchen. Muttering to herself, she groggily made her way toward the noisy…thingy in the kitchen.

She found herself staring at Jack who was currently in a fight with a child proofed refrigerator…and he was losing, and cursing about it. Fully awake now, she couldn't handle the humor of it and chuckled rather loudly. Jack stopped and glared at her, then seemed to really lose it, "Do you have any idea how long I have been trying to get a sandwich?" Kali looked at him, Colonel Jack O'Neill, defender of the planet, explorer of the universe, pain in the ass of aliens everywhere, done in by a child safety lock, and then she collapsed in a fit of laughter.

If possible Jack narrowed his eyes more, "Kali…Kali…Kali, shut up…" Kali was trying to be serious and nice, but she was too busy laughing and trying to breathe through it. That's how the next ten minutes went by, Kali would get close to regaining her composure while Jack yelled at her to be quiet and then he would tell her to open the fridge for him…then she would laugh again, it was a vicious cycle. They were on round 12 when a sleepy and irritated Daniel walked in, glanced at Kali who was dying on the floor, walked to the fridge and took two seconds to open the fridge, then turned to Jack and said, "Stop yelling my girlfriend's name." then he was gone leaving a deafening silence behind him.

Kali sat there stunned, before turning to Jack who was eating a sandwich that seemed to come out of nowhere, "Did he just say what I think he said?" Jack took another bite of his sandwich, "…Yup…" Kali sighed and glanced at the microwave clock, 3:22. _Not getting sleep tonight... _with that she made herself a sandwich and ate quietly with Jack.

X~X~X

Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c all woke up to the smell of eggs, hash browns, bacon, toast, and most alluring, freshly made coffee. They came into the kitchen to find three empty plates, Kali and Jack eating and talking quietly with each other. Once everyone got their food and sat down, Kali and Jack stopped talking and began staring at Daniel while drinking their drinks. Daniel didn't notice until his third bite of food, setting his fork down he asked, "Okay Jack, What did you do to my food?" Jack smirked and Kali remained rather impassive, "Nothing…How'd you sleep last night? Any strange dreams?"

Daniel blinked a few times, "Um…no…no weird dreams…." He sound a little worried and Sam seemed to agree. "Is everything alright? You guys are acting strange?" Teal'c didn't seem to care, he was busy eating. Kali smiled at Sam, "Oh nothing's wrong, you should worry less." Then she stared at Daniel again, changing to a face that showed no emotion with an unnerving ease. Daniel started drinking his coffee, very worried about why he was being stared down, the more he drank his coffee, the more things started coming back to him, "You know now that I think about it…I think I did have a strange dream last night…" Kali and Jack glanced at each other before Jack smirked again, "Just keep drinking your coffee…it will come to you."

Daniel looked at Kali only to find impassive look on her face and it was really starting to worry him. Jack stood up to get something out of the fridge, only to get into another fight with it, which sent Sam into a giggle fit. Daniel rolled his eyes and walked over to the fridge and Jack, "Jack I knew you were childish but come on." He opened it in less than 2 seconds, and then sat down. Kali raised an eyebrow at him and Jack shook his head at how thick he could actually get, when he got an idea, "Kali…Kali…Kali…Kali…" Daniel got an irritated look on his face, "Jack! Would you stop yelling…" He stopped suddenly as his face went a little pale and immediately stood up and went out on to the back porch.

Sam and Teal'c shared a look of confusion while Jack and Kali started laughing. When they finally calmed long enough to talk, Kali said, "I guess I should go talk to him." Jack smirked and said, "Why would you do that, it's not like you're his girlfriend or anything." Before Jack or Kali could start to laugh Michael walked in, "Morning Everyone!" They all instantly replied, "Morning Michael!" then looked at each other saying, "You owe me a coke." And finally all laughed…well except for Teal'c, who simply smirked. Michael shook his head slightly and looked past everyone to the back porch, where Daniel was sulking. He again shook his head, "Yea…I'm not even going to ask…" He then turned to Kali, "You got a phone call at home, they insisted on talking to you, so I put them on hold." Kali rolled her eyes, stood, then turned to Jack, 'Oh...um, Jack, please go talk to Daniel and make sure that he knows I am not mad at him…I'll be back as soon as I can." She waved then ran out the door before anyone could say anything. Jack turned to a very confused Sam and Teal'c, "Well I guess I should go see to Daniel." Then he rushed out the back door, successfully avoiding having to explain anything.

Jack almost let out a sigh a relief when he closed the door behind him, he avoided having to have a long winded conversation. He turned around to see a downcast Daniel and without thinking said, "Crap!" Daniel turned on him with an aggravated look, "Jack….just go back inside." Jack silently cursed himself, "Daniel…you're an idiot." Daniel stared blankly at him, "Thanks?" Jack shook his head, thinking to himself about how bad he was at this crap, "Danny, tell me why are you out here sulking instead of sitting in there with the rest of the team eating the breakfast Kali and I worked very hard to make?" Daniel gave Jack a pointed look. Jack sighed and replied, "Okay, okay the breakfast Kali worked hard to make." Daniel rolled his eyes and asked Jack, "So how big of an ass did I make of myself last night? Kali must think I'm an idiot." Jack laughs before he replied, "No…Kali doesn't think you're an idiot but I sure do! Daniel she smiled so much after what you said I was afraid her face was going to crack. Trust me she's not upset in the least by what you said."

Daniel seemed to contemplate that for a few seconds before getting a defeated look on his face. "If she is so 'happy' with it then why didn't she come out here to talk to me herself?" Jack looked as if he wanted to run his head through a wall when he replied, "Michael came over right after you came out here to let her know she has an important phone call waiting for her at her house. And before you say anything else she is the one that suggested I come out here to make sure you were okay and tell you that she's happy you said what you did." Daniel smiled, "Really?" "Yes, dear lord! Can we please go back in now before Teal'c eats all the food?" Jack huffed in reply.

X~X~X

Sam and Teal'c looked at Michael for a few seconds before going back to eating breakfast. After Michael sat down with his food they spent their time in silence watching Jack and Daniel outside intently….So when Kali came back it was rather surprising. "Michael Aaron Emrys! How could you call me over there to take a phone call from 'him'!" Michael looked at her with concern and confusion, "Him?" then something clicked and his eyes widened, "That was Him!" Kali glared with more fury than anyone thought possible, Kali then started yelling incoherently, getting louder with each passing moment. That's when Daniel and Jack decided they had better come inside and see what was going.

They stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds before Daniel's jaw dropped. Jack, however, still looked confused, but noticed that Daniel wasn't. "Um, Daniel what is she saying?" Daniel snapped his mouth shut, turned slightly pale then stammered out, "You really don't want to know. Let's just say she wants to….um on second thought let's stick with you really don't want to know!"

Jack had intended to ask more about it when Kali suddenly stopped yelling, slumping to the floor in tears. "Why won't he just leave me alone? He's not supposed to call me anymore…he's said he was going to cut off all communication with me…it was bad enough that he threaten my best friend but he said he was moving and that I'd never hear from him again…I finally felt happy and safe…now he's back…gawd what am I going to do?" Daniel was at Kali's side instantly just holding her through her tears and halfway indecipherable, not really knowing what else he could do.

It was at that moment that the phone rang, Michael answered using the speaker phone button. Riley's voice rang out in an angry tone, "What the hell is wrong?" Jack replied before anyone else did, "Now why do you always think something is wrong?" There was a pause then Riley said, just a little too sweetly, "So nothing's wrong?...Then put Kali on the phone." Kali walked toward the phone signaling everyone to shut up, "Hi Riley." Riley didn't let her get another word out, "He called again? Who the hell let him talk to you?" The SG team was stunned into silence, so everyone heard it when Michael muttered, "I knew that psychic link would get me in trouble someday…" Jack and Daniel both stood there with their mouths hanging open, looking very much like guppies.

Sam looked thoughtful, "So they really are psychics?" Teal'c nodded, "So it appears." Jack recovered first, "How could you possibly know that is what is going on?" You could hear the humor in Riley's voice, "Jack, any idiot can hear it in her voice….well maybe not any…..I will be there in a half hour." There was a resounding "WHAT?" followed by the realization that Riley had already hung up. Everyone kinda looked around at each other before finding ways to make themselves scarce. Michael piped up saying, "I'm gonna go buy food and supplies for the kids." He then promptly ran out the door. Jack and Teal'c volunteered to work on the yard, well Jack volunteered, Teal'c was volun-told by Jack. Sam decided to work more on the 'Plan'. Daniel wouldn't leave Kali alone; even though she wasn't saying anything it was still obvious she needed him there.

Sam came back in the living room, happy to see that Kali was back to her normal self, and then the doorbell rang. Daniel and Sam were both surprised that Riley would ring her own doorbell but Kali just grinned and opened the door to reveal three small children. The tallest was a girl, who stood about three feet tall, with pigtails and a flowered dress. She was smiling sweetly at all of them. Next to her was a boy who was just a little shorter, he had hair that seemed to be sentient all on its own. (A/N: Think tenth Doctor from Doctor who, google it, & yes my son's hair is like that) He wore and oddly blank look on his face as he stared at the people who answered the door. Next to him, was and even shorter child, who was in the stage where still looked a little like a baby. He had fine hair that just kinda clung to his head and he was grinning ear to ear.

Sam smiled at them, "They look like such angels."

**Next Chapter: Enter the Munchkins**

_**Next up meet Riley's kids, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, until next time.**_


	9. Enter the Munchkins

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: This should be at the very least a mildly entertaining chapter, Enjoy! Please R & R**_

**Chapter 9: Enter the Munchkins**

I came toward the steps of my house in time to hear Sam comment on how my kids are angels followed by Kali snorting back laughter. So when I came in to Sam's line of view I smiled at her, "Don't let that fool you." Then I looked down at my children, who were still intently staring at Sam. "Dawn, go potty. Sean, get a diaper for you and your brother. Richard, grab the wipes." They stared up at me blankly. Sam leaned over to Kali, "Aren't those a lot of instructions to give to such little kids." Kali smiled, "They are smarter than you think." Sam eyed my children, who were still staring blankly at me. Rolling my eyes I added what everyone knows is the magic word, "…Please?" They grinned at me and zoomed into the house to do what I asked.

Instantly I stepped forward and gave Sam a hug, "Thank you, I had forgotten how good they are around new people." I hung on to her until I heard Sam ask Kali to, "Get her off of me." I blushed a bit from embarrassment, "Sorry bout that…..will you help me with the bags?" Sam nodded and as I turned to go toward the van, Kali stopped me, "Yea….I am not changing their diapers….nice try though." I sighed, "It was worth a shot….where is Daniel?" Kali just pointed inside and walked out the door.

When the door shut I turned around to see Daniel reading a story to my kids, who had pulled up chairs and were being complete angels, listening to Daniel. I took advantage of this and changed my boys' diapers one at a time; it wasn't until I sat down next to Daniel that he even knew I was there. "Hey Riley…where have you been?" I stared at him blankly for a moment, "Was 'Hieroglyphs for Kids' that interesting?" Daniel blushed, not noticing Kali and Sam bring the bags in. I smiled at them as they headed into the kitchen, "You corrected the book, didn't you?" Daniel's blush deepened as he stammered out a response, "You don't want them to learn wrong…" We heard Sam and Kali chuckle from the kitchen as the kids found something more interesting to play with, a box. It was at that moment that Jack and Teal'c came in through the back door. Glancing at the kids in the living room Jack said to no one in particular, "Hey, They aren't imaginary." Teal'c nodded, "Indeed."

I stood up and said, "Munchkins, front and center." All three kids looked up at me, then to everyone else, and then decided to listen and gather in front of me. Kneeling down to look them in the eyes, I started to speak to them, "Mommy has to have some grown up talk time with our new friends, but I promise mommy will introduce you sweetie pies to them after that, please go play in your room." My daughter looked at me with a somewhat sour look, "Mom…" she said in a long, drawn out, and ultimately too condescending to come from a 4 year old way, "We know who they are…they're from the TV."

I shook my head, noting the unsaid 'duh' at the end of that sentence. "Close enough, Mommy still needs to talk them, and then you can play with them. Okay?" My daughter grinned, nodded to her brothers then they all went to their room to play. The SG team looked at me with concern, "Why is it you said that like we are toys?" Jack questioned. I shrugged then added, "We have some ground rules to set up now that the kids are here." I rolled my eyes when I saw Jack's obvious displeasure, "There are sandwiches…"

X~X~X

I blinked and missed Jack and Teal'c rushing past me to the said sandwiches in the living room. Glancing in at the kids one last time, I stood in the middle of the living room and coughed to get their attention. "Alright there are a few rules I have while the kids are present. Rule 1: keep any and all weapons, sharp objects, lighters, chemicals, shampoos, breakable objects, or stuff that you want staying in one piece, locked in my room or at Kali's house." Taking a breath I added, "Any questions about Rule 1?" Kali glanced around the room to see a few mildly amused faces, "um…She's not joking." Without waiting for a reaction to that statement I continued, "Rule 2: Watch what you say….it will be repeated at the worst moments or questioned. If they ask a question because of something any of you say you will regret it." Turning to Daniel I added, "and that includes other languages…let's just say Kali is lucky the kids didn't repeat her around any Germans." Daniel smirked a little, "Okay."

With that I continued on, "Rule 3: If they are acting suspicious or are quiet for more than 20.2 seconds they are up to something…" Sam interrupted then "Riley...they are just kids..." I grinned, "Never underestimate the destruction power of small children." Jack spoke up then, "Just how many of these ridiculous rules are there?" I glared at him as Kali answered in amusement, "There are 50 but you'll learn most of them along the way. For now you'll just learn the first 5." Jack sputtered in disbelief and I continued with a bit of indifference, "Rule 4: If in doubt about what they are saying, do not, I repeat, do not say yes. Do not agree, nod or do anything other seem confused." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "Do your children often speak in code?" Kali and Jack both responded at the same time with, "Children always speak in code." I grinned both at the surprised look on Sam and Daniel's faces and at Jack and Kali's simultaneous answer. "And lastly Rule 5: Be ready to defend yourself when saying 'no' and break up fights…um that's pretty much the big ones."

I took a seat next to Kali when Michael walked through the door with a few bags. He glanced around the somewhat tense room, "Oh good, she's not mad about the stalker anymore." Kali smacked her forehead as Riley got a smug look on her face. There was a bit of an awkward silence, when Jack changed the subject, "What's in the bags?" Michael grinned, "Plain New York cheesecake…" Kali interrupted, "Awwww…you do love me…I forgive you, carry on Michael." Grinning more he continued, "…and a few other groceries. Riley, the pizza will be here around dinner time, here is your receipt." Sam smiled, "What kind did you get?" Michael didn't see me motioning for him to shut the hell up, "Pineapple and Canadian Bacon…" Kali snapped her head up, "Okay…the cheesecake I get, but the pizza? Riley what the hell did you do?"

I tried to feign a look of innocence, "I am offended…Can't a friend order a best friend's favorites just because…" It didn't work, Kali narrowed her eyes at me, "You promised not to put a hit out on anyone, you promised." Kali shook her head, "Great now I have to call Cesar and make sure he's okay. I have to actually say, to him, 'Hey…watch out for anyone looking to kill you…Riley just can't stop herself from putting hits on people.'…Yea that'll go over great…" Jack spoke up right after that, "Wait!...Is Cesar that stalker?" Michael and I nodded, a little worried by Jack's sudden eagerness. "Hide the phones, guys like that don't need warnings…" Teal'c nodded, "O'Neill, is that not something that we ourselves could take care of?" The strange, self-assured look he had made all of us just a little afraid.

Kali huffed in frustration, "Sam, Daniel, you guys agree with me right?" Sam looked around the room, "Well putting a hit on someone seems a little excessive…" Kali smiled in triumph, "See Sam agrees with me and Daniel would never want someone killed." Kali waited in silence for a moment, "Daniel?" Daniel looked at Kali nervously, "Um, yeah…Killing is wrong…" This caused her to twitch in anger, Jack to look very amused, Sam to cough in mild surprise, Teal'c to raise an eyebrow, Michael to outright laugh, and me to see the explosion about to occur.

I decided now was a good time to tell her not to freak out, "Kali…I didn't send anyone to kill him…but and I both agreed that if he didn't stop something had to be done." Kali signed, "Yes, I know, but I was thinking something along the lines of restraining order or getting someone scary looking to talk to him. I don't want him physically harmed." Kali had clanked at Teal'c when she mentioned someone scary looking, which left him with a strangely satisfied smile. Kali smiled a little at this as I responded, "I tried that, they said he had to physically threaten you for a restraining order...and he won't get scared by a good talking to…please just let me handle this if it doesn't work I will apologize to the douche for it, I promise."

Kali hung her head in defeat, "Fine just don't go overboard…by the way we came up with a plan to get them home." She motioned to the SG team with about as much enthusiasm as a funeral procession. I shook my head, "Is it the 'build a Stargate in my basement' plan, because we came up that already, remember?" Kali looked annoyed, "Yea, I forgot. Being stabbed does that!" A look of guilt crossed Daniel's face, Kali and I both sent him a reassuring smile when my daughter came rushing into the middle of the room, "Mommy, brothers are naked again." No sooner than those words left her mouth, then two very naked toddler boys came running into the room shouting, "No! Not Naked!"

X~X~X

I put a hand on my forehead as everyone else snickered and looked away. Grabbing a couple of my children I excused myself and came back a few minutes later with two fully dressed boys. I lined up my kids, "Every one, these are my children." I patted my daughter on her head, "This is Dawn Lily Marsh, and she is 4 years old!" Dawn smiled and waved, "Nice to meet you." Moving my hand to the next child in line, "This is Sean Matthew Marsh and he is 3 years old." Sean's look didn't change when he simply said, "Hi" Moving my hand to my last child, "And this is Richard Bryce Marsh, and he is 2!" Richard just stared at the SG team without saying anything so I continued, "He's the quiet one, you are going to have to keep an eye on him, he is rather sneaky." Sam smiled at them and the rest of the team seemed a little unsure on how to greet these three kids.

It didn't last long though, Dawn took a hand belonging to Teal'c, all the while talking a mile a minute, it sound like gibberish, this continued until she had dragged Teal'c all the way to her room. Jack looked around the room, "Did anyone catch any of that?" I grinned, "She basically said that Teal'c is going to play with her." Kali suddenly started giggling uncontrollably, but she managed to get out a few words, "Teal'c…Dress…up!…" That was all it took to get the rest of us laughing a little. We decided to follow them to Dawn's room, on the off chance that Teal'c as indeed playing dress up with Dawn. I didn't expect what we saw and judging from the mildly shocked chuckling behind me, neither did anyone else. Dawn was telling Teal'c the story of Cinderella, showing him pictures from the story book. Teal'c seemed confused and asked, "Why did this Cinderella not just leave?" Dawn gave him a stern look, "Because that is how the story goes." She paused, looking quite pleased with herself.

I interrupted there, a little curious to know where that conversation would have gone. "Dawn, sweetheart, could you come back into the living room with me; I still have to talk with our friends." Dawn simply smiled, took Teal'c by the hand and made her way back around the crowd she had drawn and into the living room. Things settled down for a bit, we had spent some time talking about 'the plan', but that didn't last long. It was impossible not to be distracted by the children. Dawn was talking up a storm to Teal'c, who only proved she hadn't talked him to death by nodding ever now and then. I smiled as I wondered if he actually understood what she was saying, then my eyes drifted to Richard, who was playing with Kali and Daniel. Well, playing with Daniel anyway, Kali seemed to be enjoying Richard's favoritism with an amused look in her eye. Daniel on the other hand, looked overwhelmed, if Richard wasn't after his glasses, he was after his hair and ears and nose. Sean was in the same place he had been since getting home; he was sitting down in front of Sam, staring at her with a mask of indifference. I saw past it, I saw my little boy not staring but admiring Sam…and it was making her incredibly uncomfortable.

Sam was clearly trying to will the staring not to bug her, it wasn't working. "Riley, I get the feeling Sean here doesn't like me." I couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across my face, "Actually it is quite the opposite. He likes you, in fact, you are his favorite character." I cringed a bit after realizing I called Sam a character, somehow it just felt like an insult. No one took it that way, and Sam smiled and put Sean, who was now grinning ear to ear, in her lap. Jack got curious though and asked the inevitable question, "So…Do you all have favorite characters?" Kali answered cheerfully, "Yup!" I rolled my eyes, "Bet you can't guess who Kali's is."

Daniel and Kali blushed a matching shade of red until Kali asked, "So, Riley, who's your favorite?" I ignored her, "Richard's favorite is also Daniel, and Dawn is partial to Teal'c" Teal'c glanced in our direction when his name was mentioned, making me wonder who he was listening to, us or Dawn, who was now carrying on about the importance of fairies in everyday life. Michael must have seen the same look in Kali's eyes that I did, because he jumped to the rescue before anyone else could, "Dawn is right, Teal'c is pretty cool." There was a pause before Kali spoke up again, "So…Riley, who's your favorite character again?" I gritted my teeth in irritation, "Don't have a favorite." Jack held his hands up to get everyone's attention, "So let me get this straight…I'm no one's favorite?" Of course it was then that Dawn decided to join the conversation. She walked over to Jack and patted him on the head, "Don't cry…you're Mommy's favorite!" The bright smile she gave made the whole situation just a tiny bit less…weird.

Jack sputtered as I turned a rather interesting shade of pink. Jack found his voice a moment later, "You? You keep throwing stuff at me, how can I be your favorite!" My reply was interrupted by Kali and Daniel who could no longer hold in their laughter. Richard was laughing too, but I was pretty sure he had no idea why. Jack and I both glared at them, the Kali stopped laughing long enough to talk, "You're only her favorite beca-" I had my hand clamped over her mouth before even I knew what I was doing. Every adult in the room with the exception of Kali and Michael gave me a look of curiosity. Jack had a look of irritation as he said, "Let Kali talk, I really want to hear what she has to say." The smile on Kali's face let me know I wasn't going to get out this, sighing; I nodded for her to go ahead. Kali gave me a reassuring smile, "You are Riley's favorite because you remind her of her husband." Whatever Jack had been expecting, that wasn't it. His jaw kinda hung open, as if off it'd hinges, "Huh?"

That is when I decided to take over and explain a little more, "This is our first deployment, so it was really hard for me. I have a hard time making friends and hate being away from my husband, but he loves his job and I would never ask him to give up something he loves. So one day Kali and I were watching…you guys and when you reminded me of Jason things seemed easier, so you became my favorite…" I trailed off, embarrassed by how much I had just shared. For once, Jack was speechless, but that didn't stop him from noticing the halfway evil smile that came across my face and Kali must have noticed too because she suddenly lowered her head and groaned, "Of course it helps that Kali is just like Jason as well."

Kali cringed even though she knew what Riley was going to say, Michael snorted back laughter, and the SG team were trying to understand what was so funny. Then it seemed to finally hit Daniel, "That can't be right, if Kali is like your husband, and your husband is just like Jack, then…" He trailed off, not really wanting to go with that particular train of thought. Jack was now rubbing his temple as if he had a massive headache, "Are you saying that Daniel's girlfriend is the female version of me?" This received an interesting reaction; Daniel kept saying 'I really don't see it' like some kind of mantra that would make things go away. Kali was now looking horrified at Daniel's reaction, but was also thrilled that Jack had called her Daniel's girlfriend. Teal'c had an eyebrow raised so high I thought it might fall off; I took that as his 'surprised face'.

Sam remained oddly quiet and passive, which made Michael's laughter that much more noticeable. Me? Well I couldn't keep my mouth shut, "Slashers everywhere are rejoicing with bittersweet feelings." That was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, the camel being Sam and its back being her sanity. She was now literally rolling of the floor laughing, pointing at Jack and Daniel whenever she could. I wondered briefly just what had been running through her head to make her explode with laughter. The kids, who until now had been quietly enjoying the entertainment we adults were providing, joined her on the floor. Apparently rolling of the ground, laughing like a hyena on crack was tons of fun. So there we were, staring dumbfounded at Sam and the kids, whom looked nowhere near done laughing. Finally Daniel spoke up, "Did we miss something?" Kali answered just a little too quickly, "Nope, non, nein, ni hea, nyet, dim, and noc."

Daniel gave her a look of disbelief, "You speak Goa'uld!" I shook my head, thinking to myself, _'Figures that is all he noticed about that answer.'_ My thoughts were broken by Jack yelling, "Carter! Get a hold of yourself!" It sounded like an order even to my civilian ears, so it was no surprise that Sam immediately got the laughing under control. She was now standing, facing him with all three kiddos trying to hide behind her at the same time. I gritted my teeth a bit, "Jack, shut up, you are scaring the kids!" Jack continued yelling, "Your craziness is contagious!" I narrowed my eyes at him, "Did you have to say my craziness?" Michael smiled, "Yeah Jack, Riley's been doing very well since her release from the mental health facility."

All eyes were suddenly on me as if they were afraid I would crack at any moment and go on a killing spree. I looked around at the SG team, "Stop looking at me like that, I don't have homicidal tendencies!" Jack raised an eyebrow at that, "What kind of tendencies do you have then?" I looked down at my feet and must have looked every bit like a kid that was about to be given a lecture by their parent. Kali replied for me, "She has no tendencies anymore because if she did then she knows I would kill her myself!" Jack just ended up looking more confused with that explanation, Daniel seeing Jack's confusion tried to explain, "She's saying that Riley, at one point in her life, had suicidal tendencies."

Jack snapped out of his confusion, instantly looking angry beyond all reason. "How could you think so little of yourself and the people who love you by doing something as stupid as trying to kill yourself? You are so young and have so much ahead of you, you could do anything with your life and you have a husband and friends who love you so much. Do you know what it would probably do to them to lose you?" My only response to what Jack just said was to burst into tears and run onto the back porch.

X~X~X

Kali sighed, "Michael, Danny can you guys go back there and check on her?" Michael agreed and Daniel gave her a small smile before following him out to the porch. Kali turned to Sam and Teal'c, "Can you watch the munchkins while I have a talk with Jack?" Sam shrugged and Teal'c replied, "We shall endeavor on keeping the 'munchkins' entertained." With that Kali led Jack out onto the front porch.

Jack started to defend himself, "Look I know you probably think…" He was cut off by Kali, "Jack I'm not upset with you, nor do I think you were too hard on her, though Jason and I have both already had pretty much the same conversation with her. I brought you out here because I wanted to check and see if you were okay. I know that all this had to have brought up memories that are rather…unpleasant." Kali saw when the realization hit him. Jack's eyes saddened, "No one should lose someone they love at such a young age." Kali closes off the space between them pulling Jack into a hug, "I know…I know…"

X~X~X

Michael and Daniel stepped out onto the back porch, sitting on either side of me, draping an arm around my shoulders. I glanced at both of them noting how much taller they were and sniffled, "You guys sure know how to make a girl feel tiny." Michael grinned, "It's not our fault you have height issues." Daniel quirked a smile, adding, "We didn't come out here to make you feel short." I rolled my eyes, "Really? And here I was thinking I was out here crying about my short stature!" The obvious sarcasm made Daniel narrow his eyes, "Are you sure you're not the one that is like Jack?" I laughed, "Sometimes when Kali is distracted and not being the smart ass she naturally is, I take over."

Michael poked me in the side, "Okay, now for the reason we are out here…" I felt the smile leave my face, "I'm not upset with Jack….just overcome with guilt." Michael gave me a reassuring smile, "Well, stop that. We got that all sorted out a long time ago." I rolled my eyes yet again, "I know…Is Jack still upset with me?" Daniel shook his head, "He was never upset with you to begin with. My guess is that your situation reminded him of his son." My head shot up at that, "Oh no….I have to go talk to him." Daniel nodded his head, "I think I heard Kali say she was going to talk to him on the front porch." Daniel furrowed his eyebrows, "What is it with all of you and porches?" Michael and I just shrugged as we walked into the house; I headed straight through the front door.

I opened the front door to see Kali and Jack jump away from each other, I got an evil idea, "Huh…guess it's a good thing Daniel wasn't the one opening the door." Daniel looked confused, "What? Why?" I turned to face my crowded living room, "Oh…Nothing…Kali and Jack were just making out…" There was instantly a loud SMACK of Kali's hand meeting the back of my head. Then Kali pulled me through the door, moving past me toward Daniel. She wrapped her arms around him as Jack prodded me to tell the truth, "Fine….they were just hugging." Rolling my eyes I added, "Because I am sure you all had your doubts."

X~X~X

Without another word I closed the door to talk with Jack in private, "Look Jack, I'm…"

He shook his head, "No, no…I understand."

I sighed, "Yea, but…"

His nodded once, "Yea."

I looked straight at him, "Oh…um…so we're good?"

Jack looked distant for a moment, "What? Oh, yea, we're good."

We were about to go back inside when Jack turned to me, "You know I had a conversation like this with Daniel before." I smiled, "Yea, I know, Kali compares me to him all the time." I walked back into the house leaving a dumbfounded Jack behind me. When Jack eventually came back into the living room with everyone else, he said, "Okay, this has been bugging me since Carter's slight breakdown, what exactly is a 'slasher'?"

**Next Chapter: Generating Surprises**

_**Next up there are unexpected surprises, of all kinds….okay maybe one big surprise, enjoy!**_


	10. Generating Surprises

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: the long awaited chapter…Please don't kill me I had a serious case of writer's block, In any case I want to thank you for coming back and reading, the neglecting of my readers is at an end, as always please read and review.**_

**Chapter 10: Generating Surprises**

Jack's question was met with silence, an awkward silence, broken only by little Dawn, "Is that like Tony and Gibbs?" I glared at Kali, "What exactly have you been teaching my child?" Kali laughed nervously, "It's not like I read her anything inappropriate…." I tapped my foot, "Read? You read slash fics to her?" Jack interrupted there, "Who are Tony and Gibbs?" Dawn was apparently on too much of a roll to stay quiet, "Tony and Gibbs are from NCIS." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "What is NCIS?" Kali, Michael and I all responded at the same time, "Navel Criminal Investigative Services." Jack's looked shocked, "You know NCIS agents?...Never mind, it's not so surprising that you two know federal agents." Kali and I both gave an indignant, "Hey!" then Kali continued, "NCIS is a TV show…" Jack nodded as everyone not talking watched with interest, "That doesn't answer my question, What is a slasher?"

Dawn started to talk again, making me wonder why I had taught her to in the first place, "Tony and Gibbs like each other like Mommy and Daddy like each other." Jack was speechless and I glared at Kali once again, "Again, what have you been teaching my child?" Daniel's mouth hung open, "Wait, what did you mean by what you said earlier?" Kali and I glanced at each other nervously as the realization hit Jack, "Are you saying that there are people who think Daniel and I are a couple?" There was exactly a three second silence before everyone but Daniel and Jack, including the kids, burst into giggle fits.

Both of them glared at each and every adult in the room before Jack turned to Sam, "Carter! You thought this was funny?" Sam tried, and failed to control her laughter, "Well…..Sir….there have been rumors around the base…" Jack and Daniel looked at each other then quickly looked away, Jack quickly headed to the back porch saying he needed a cigarette and Daniel quickly headed to the bathroom saying something about needing to hurl. Kali looked slightly concerned but immensely amused, "Jack doesn't smoke." I nodded smirking, "At least Daniel was honest." Jack came in calmer but wearing a look that said to drop it, permanently, that's when the doorbell rang.

X~X~X

I chuckled a bit at Jack's pouting and opened the door, then promptly shut it again. I then walked quickly over to Kali, "We have to hi…" I didn't get out the sentence; Jason had just walked through the door, "Why'd you slam the door in….." That's about when he noticed just who was in our living room. He looked at me and Kali's nervous faces then back to the SG 1 team, "I never thought you guys would actually kidnap anyone, let me guess, Kali locked the guy who plays Daniel in a closet somewhere." Everyone just stared blankly at my husband, standing in the doorway still in his uniform and bags next to him.

We all looked down the hallway where Daniel went, to see a somewhat horrified Daniel, "Why would I be locked in a closet?" Kali turned red, though I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or rage. Jason set down his bag and put a hand on Daniel's shoulder, "Well, you see…" I decided it would be best to stop him there; no one really needed to know Jason's explanation of why Daniel would be shoved into a closet by Kali. Kali and I both started talking at the same time, not noticing at all, "What are you doing here?" Michael nodded, "Yea, you're early." Kali and I turned our heads slowly to Michael, "You knew?" Michael gulped and decided standing next to Jason would be safer. Kali and I stood to face them, yelling in unison, "You didn't think this was something we needed to know. Are you two stupid or something? Why didn't you say anything about going on leave?" Jason and Michael stood quietly waiting to get a word in, when the time came, Jason simply leaned toward Michael and said, "That psychic link thing is just creepy."

I walked up to Jason then, getting just inches from his face, "You are a Jerk." Then I kissed him, he may be a jerk, but he's my jerk and I missed him. The SG team seemed rather confused, but Kali and Michael just grinned. They gathered up the kids and some bags, SG 1 all the time in awe of the fact that Riley and her husband were blissfully ignoring everything. Everybody stayed at Kali and Michael's place feeling rather awkward because of why they were there in the first place, about 48 hours later Jack huffed, "Geez, no wonder they have three kids, are they trying for four?" Kali chuckled, "Nope, we had Riley fixed."

They were interrupted by Riley's irritated voice, "Hardy har har...Now if you're done mocking me..." Jack instantly interrupted, "Never." Daniel rolled his eyes, "Jack…" The sternness of his voice spoke volumes more than what was said, Sam cleared her throat, "What were you trying to say Riley?" Riley smiled slightly, "We need to explain everything to Jason, he still thinks you're actors." Daniel wore a look of mild disbelief "He didn't even ask about it?" There was pause when everyone briefly wondered just how naïve Daniel could get at any given moment. Jack patted Daniel on the shoulder when he turned red in realization. Laughing it off, we gathered the kids and bags and headed toward the door. Riley looked at Kali and smiled, "Let's go tell Jason we're not always crazy." The entire SG team plus Michael simultaneously said, "Good luck with that."

X~X~X

I smiled as my three munchkins immediately tackled their dad, it had been a while but he fell into tickle fights and strange questions like he'd never left. Jack decided silently the explanations could wait as he dragged Daniel to the kitchen when the poor linguist had tried to bring it up. I looked around the room from my door, somehow not believing any of the reality I was in. My family together and fictional characters were raiding my fridge. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Michael, "You know you have to tell him sometime today, right?" I frowned once again looking at my husband playing with our kids, something about all this gave me a feeling of dread, pushing it back I smiled again, saying loudly, "Alright people, time to clear some things up."

Jason sent the kids to play in their room as the rest of us found a seat in the living room. Kali and I exchanged glances before I spoke again, "Jason, What I am about to say is going to sound…..well…..you see….Ah the hell with it. They aren't actors, they are actually SG 1, and they walked right out of our TV." I stopped to judge his reaction, apparently so had everyone else, the only thing we could hear was the sounds of the children playing. That pause seemed to take forever before Jason leaned forward glancing around the room with a serious expression, "You mean to tell me they broke the TV?" Kali, Michael, and I sighed in relief, we didn't know if he believed us or not, but joking was definitely a good sign. The SG team, Daniel in particular, had a reaction of disbelief. "Your wife just told you that characters literally from a TV show walked through your TV, in to your living room and you ask about the TV?" Jason smirked, "Well I am confused about thing…." Jason turned to Kali, "Why are you and Daniel here? I thought for sure you'd be _all over _him in a closet somewhere." He had stressed the words 'all over' in such a way that made it very clear what he meant. Kali and Daniel were equally deep shades of red and much to the surprise of everyone but Michael and I, Kali made a lunge for Jason who had already had the sense to start running.

It wasn't long before Kali chased Jason back into the living room, "You bastard, why say something like that!" Jason grinned, leaving me and everyone else in the room wondering if he had a death wish, "Well I have only seen you drool over …" He didn't get to finish that sentence due to Riley's hand clamping down over his mouth. "Jason, stop teasing her before she kills you….Kali calm down, Daniel either already knows you like him or he's too much of an idiot to be good for you." Everyone nodded their approval at this answer, Kali with the disappointment of not killing Jason, Daniel sat there offended, "I am not an idiot!" Jack coughed and Sam smiled awkwardly, Teal'c smirked and Michael rolled his eyes.

I cleared my throat, "Does this mean you believe us?" He shrugged, "If it were anyone else I would call the people in white coats, but since they can't hold you two anyway…..at least there was nothing illegal this time." Jack decided to add his two cents, "Actually…" I interrupted, "Daniel was kidnapped." Jack glared, "That wasn't…" Kali interrupted this time, "That wasn't the only thing, I got stabbed." Jason raised an eyebrow and Michael, bless the man asked everyone, "Is anybody else starving?" Suddenly everyone realized that, yes, we were all hungry. Handing Jason some of the cash I had in my purse, I asked him to get something, "Whatever you want and enough of it for all of us." Jason nodded a little suspicious of Kali and I, but decided food was good too.

As soon as he pulled out of the driveway, I turned to everyone else, "Okay, we can't tell Jason the plan to get you home….How do we keep him out of the basement?" Jack immediately answered, "That's easy, keep him out of the house." I rolled my eyes, "Gee, keep a soldier home for R & R out of his home, yea that should be easy." Daniel shook his head and Sam asked, "Why not tell him." I took on a serious look, "Look, we stand a good chance of ending up in prison after you leave…I want Jason to know as little as possible." Daniel stared at us, "No, we can't let you do this." Kali smiled at him, "Daniel, we don't have a choice, you have to get back, you're needed there." I clapped my hands, together, "Now back to the point, how do we keep Jason out of the basement."

Kali tapped her finger against her chin, "You know Jack, you have a great idea, you are sending them on a vacation." Jack sputtered, "I am?" Teal'c spoke up, surprising us, "It was your idea O'Neill." Everyone nodded in agreement, leaving Jack to fume silently. I left the living room without saying anything else. Sam looked to Kali, "Where is she going?" Kali answered with a knowing smirk, "She's going to pack." Everyone chuckled but Jack who was trying very hard to find a way out of this.

I had just come into the living room with the suitcases when Jason returned with pizza, lots of pizza, "Are…we going somewhere?" Riley nodded vigorously as Kali elbowed Jack, who reluctantly said, "I know what it's like to be on R & R….So I thought I would send you and your family on vacation." Jason nodded and I briefly wondered who had convinced Jack to agree, Jason however did have a couple of questions, "Okay where are we going and how is it being paid for?" Riley's grin widened, "Vegas….and Jack's credit card….it happens to work here." Jason shook his head, "You brought your wallet on a mission?" Jack groaned as everyone chuckled, "Not the point, me and T will load your bags in the van." It wasn't long after that when I said my goodbye's to everyone, whispering to Kali, "Get everything you can done." Then we were off.

X~X~X

The next two weeks went by quickly and before anyone knew it Riley had returned.

"Hello you wonderful people you." I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Kali laughed, "I take it you had a good time." Jason nodded, "In a town full of con artist, Riley was right at home." Riley scoffed, "Hey, I resemble that remark….Where is everyone else?" Kali sighed, "Michael insisted they were working too hard and kidnapped them because, and I quote, 'they need to have a good time'." Jason grinned, wondering what state Michael would bring their new friends back in, "I am going to unload everything." Kali glanced around the room, "Riley, please tell me you didn't lose the kids at the black jack tables." Riley rolled her eyes, "Like I would lose at the black jack tables….We dropped them with their grandparents. Now then, when I said get as much done as you could I didn't mean work them round the clock." Kali shrugged, "You know how I get when I have a project. By the way Michael wanted us to meet them for laser tag." Riley smiled again as Jason brought in their bags, "Hey honey, get back to the van, we're gonna play tag."

We entered the lobby of the best aka the only laser tag place in town to find Michael, Daniel, Sam, and Jack laughing for no apparent reason and Teal'c standing next to them with a hint of amusement on his face. We approached them only for Daniel to suddenly hang on to Kali, "You're pretty…" Jason nudged Kali, "Now would be a great time to take advantage of him." Kali glared at him briefly, then looked at Michael, "You said you would show them a good time, not get them hammered." He grinned as Jack and Sam laughed incoherently, although I do believe I heard them ask about the missing tiny ninjas…Shaking my head I got a piece of paper and sent Jason to retrieve the ingredients for my very own hangover cure.

Michael pouted as I talked the concession stand into letting me borrow their equipment, "But they're fine." I glanced over to our now drunken friends to see Daniel walk toward us, swaying as he said in a slightly slurred voice, "I am fine…" I narrowed my eyes at Michael, "Oh yeah, he seems great, now stop arguing or I will have to question your intentions." Kali was currently trying to get Daniel to sit…anywhere really and I couldn't blame her. I was tempted to take bets on how long he would stay standing. Luckily Jason returned with a bag full of items, holding it at arm's length the entire time, "Damn Michael, how drunk did you get them? Riley only uses this in emergencies." I huffed a little, "Honestly, you are all a bunch of babies, it's not that bad." The guys within earshot cringed as I walked away with the bag, grumbling.

Holding three large cups, I motioned Kali to bring our still drunken friends to a table. I gave Kali a sympathetic look as she nudged a disagreeable Jack toward the table. I set a cup in front of each of them and they eyed it suspiciously, Sam scrunched up her face in protest, Daniel looked worried, and Jack simply pushed the cup away, "I am not drinking that." Jason agreed, "I don't blame you." I promptly elbowed him in the ribs, "Not helping….." Glaring at Jack, I continued, "Look, we are playing laser tag and I want to beat you when you're sober." Jack scoffed, "Like you could do that." Shoving the drink back in front of him I smirked, "What's a matter? Afraid to find out?" Jack glared at me then glanced to his teammates, "Let's do this." With that they all took a giant gulp from the cups in front of them.

It took about three seconds for their eyes to bulge and they started coughing in disgust. Jack glared at me again, "What the hell are you trying to do to us?" I grinned, "Calm down already Jack, admit it, you don't even feel tipsy anymore." Daniel shook his head a bit, "What was in that?" Kali, Michael, Jason and I simultaneously answered, "You don't want to know." Sam, looking quite a bit clearer, asked, "How is it someone who doesn't drink can come up with a cure for drunkenness?" Kali and I both stared at Michael and Jason until we heard a soft, "oh." from Sam. Jack meanwhile was still aggravated by the drink in general, "What the hell is in that? How do I know you didn't drug us?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yes Jack, I sobered you up so I could drug you….How about we make a bet?" Jack leaned forward suddenly forgetting the idea of poison, "What kind of bet?" Kali and Daniel shook their heads while the others followed Michael to get everything set up for the game. I grinned, holding up Jack's credit card, "If your team wins, I will give you back your card and never take it again, or your wallet." Jack glared as I held his wallet in front of him, "What if you win?" My grin grew into a smile, "When we win, you clean both our houses top to bottom." Jack smirked, "Since you won't win, you got a deal."

X~X~X

I glanced back at my team as they tiredly followed, "Hurry up, I want to see Jack's face when he sees that we won." I heard groans from behind me as I ran toward the lobby, getting to the desk when Jack did. We briefly glared at each other before looking back at the now worried attendant and all but yelled, "Who won?" Glaring at each other again, I could hear Jason ask Kali and Daniel, "Do they always get along so well?" They chuckled and dragged me and Jack to a table to eat and drink. The others chatted and joked while they ate, Jack and I were too busy looking around impatiently to be social. So we immediately noticed the attendant walk to our table and fidget under our gaze. Kali rolled her eyes, "Jack, Riley, stop it….Your scaring the poor guy." We grumbled and shifted our eyes elsewhere.

The guy was visibly less nervous, until Sam asked, "So whose team won?" There was a pause, then he stammered out something unintelligible and almost ran away all the while staring at Jack and me. Michael picked up the paper with our scores and started laughing handing it to Sam, who chuckled. Jason, glanced at me, then back to Sam, "So, Who won?" Sam set down the paper and said, "We tied." Jack and I both instantly yelled, "WHAT?" Kali picked up the paper, "Well, I guess that means everyone's a winner." Jack and I stayed silent as the others made their jokes, tuning to him I said, "Well I guess nothing changes then…" We all headed home and slept off most of the next day, at least we tried.

I unfortunately I was the exception and woke up just before dawn. I went straight to the porch so I could watch the sun rise, it was always calming, even for someone like me, who mostly wanted to start the day at the break of noon. I sighed as I went inside, setting off the silent alarm clock…Coffee. I really didn't take notice of anything going on, I couldn't tell you who was joking about what, I just kept to myself stealing moments with Jason here and there. Before we knew it, Jason had to go back and I moved on to more pressing issues

The SG team gave me a worried stare as I handed out cookies, Jack looked at the cookie then to me, "What is it? You only bake when it's bad news." I stayed silent while Kali pulled a giant poster board from nowhere and stuck it on a wall, "The gate is finished, all we need now is a power source. Sam and I calculated..." I spoke up then, "Kali, keep the techno babble to a minimum." Kali grinned sheepishly and carried on, "that we would need a generator, strongest we could get. Luckily we are conveniently located..." Jack rolled his eyes, "Will ya get to the point already!" Kali would have pouted jokingly if given the chance, but I was already on edge and Jack just had to push. I stood in front of Jack glaring at him, "Kali spent a very hard half hour coming up with what to say and you shoot it down? You are such an ingrate, why am I even surprised about that, I offer my home, my food, and all you've done was be a freeloading jack ass...Go the hell away already, it's your stupid damn duty!" I glared at everyone in the room when Michael, practically shoved me out the door and into his car.

X~X~X

Everyone stared at the door, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened, oddly enough it was Jack who let it roll off his back, "Kali, weren't you getting to a point?" Kali nodded, pointing to the poster board, "This is the area we will have to get into to retrieve the generator we need." She stopped there, "Any Questions so far?" Teal'c tilted his head a bit, "Are we to battle heavy defenses to get that which we need?" Kali shook her head with a smile causing Sam to speak up, "Then how are we going to get the generator?" Daniel had a burst of sarcasm, "Well we walk up and ask for it, didn't you know?" Kali followed up immediately with, "Exactly!"

Her response was met with blank stares from everyone, though she was used to it from Teal'c. Jack leaned back on the couch, "Ooof course we are." Kali shrugged, "Riley was supposed to give the specifics...Jack she..." Jack nodded, "I know, where did they go anyways?" The door opened and in walked Riley eating a slice of cheesecake and Michael behind her with a twelve pack of highly caffeinated soda.

X~X~X

I glanced around and my eyes landed on Jack, "Sorry about losing it, Kali told you the plan yet?" Daniel rubbed his forehead, "That isn't a plan, it's insane." I narrowed my eyes at him, "Your point being? Insanity does not hurt the effectiveness of this plan." I grabbed a stack of papers that were on the table and handed them to Sam, "You and Jack will be legitimately checking out the equipment." Jack looked shocked, "I didn't know you even knew the word legitimate." Kali and Michael laughed and I rolled my eyes, "You see what I am saying though, all your paper work is in order, everything is set, even if they decide to double check things it will take them weeks to get on the right track." Sam looked through the paper work, "How did you manage this, there is not even grammar errors." Kali frowned, "Sam, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." Daniel shook his head, "This is still insane." Teal'c nodded in agreement.

(**A/N**: _the next bit is going to be vague on the grounds that I am just not comfortable detailing how to rob a military base or thinking about it too much..._)

Everyone was on edge, we were waiting on Sam and Jack to return and this entire plan depended on their acting skills. We were worried. Teal'c and Kali were at the moment sparring in the back yard...with my kid's prized Nerf swords. Daniel and Michael were trying to perfect the aim at moving targets with gummi-bears, primarily me. I was pacing the living room, coming up with plans A through Z on how to break someone out of prison, At least until another gummi-bear hit me in the head. I almost growled and walked straight out the back door to Kali and Teal'c, who were being as viscous as one could be with foam swords. I ignored the strange look from Kali when I snatched the pretend weapon from her hand and went back inside.

None of heard the door open but we heard the laughter as I tried to run Michael through with a pretend sword while being pelted with gummi-bears by Kali and Daniel, only to be stopped by Teal'c who was taking the fake weapon way too seriously. We all turned at once to find Jack and Sam dying of laughter overdose in the ACU's Kali found for them. Lowering my harmless weapon I gathered up as much dignity as I could with gummi-bears stuck in my hair, "Sooo...How'd it go?"

When they finally did catch their breath they explained exactly how things went, concluding with being very, very hungry...at least Jack concluded with that. As I combed the last of the gummi-bears out of my hair, I sighed, "Job well done, Let's celebrate! Who wants to go out to dinner?" Jack looked slightly confused, "Shouldn't we get the generator inside?" Kali smiled, "Riley's buying." Jack pretty much ordered his team to get disguised and out the door. It wasn't until after the appetizers they knew that Kali and I had bailed. I'm sure they would have been angry, but fresh baked goods had stopped that in its tracks. After a good dessert, Sam looked at us, "We need to get the generator in...where did the truck go?" Kali and I glanced at each other, then I said, "It's taken care of, all you and Kali have to do is get it to work with the gate." Kali looked around the table, I sat to her right, then Jack, then Teal'c, then Sam, then Michael, and on her left was Daniel. It was then that it hit us, this was probably the last time we would eat together like this, a, strange multi-reality, dysfunctional family.

**Next Chapter: **_I say Good-bye _

_**A/N : **My Dear Readers, I realize as an author I *cough* may have been neglecting to thank those wonderful people who review this story, so I would like to thank:_

_**KrisK **_

_**firstdragonrider **_

_**sluggercat **_

_**Odonata Epiprocta **_

_**Anne Rose **_

_**Dimonah Tralon **_

_**psion53 **_

_**jellowind**_

_**Livin'n'laughin**_

_**Lost child of Gallifrey **_

_That being said, Class are you listening? It's time for some interaction, So here it is, What have you wanted to ask Riley and Kali? They agreed to answer questions, but no flash photography, so please send in your questions, just check my profile for my email info!_

_Thanks a bunch and Keep on reading'_

_**Next time: It's time to Say good-bye to SG1 *cries* but is it for the reason you think?**_


	11. I say Good bye

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: **__Now then, I imagine this is the chapter everyone has been waiting for, so enjoy and of course R & R._

**Chapter 11: I say Good-bye**

Sam and Kali had started work on the gate around noon, it probably would have been sooner, except Kali had made every effort to stall. She even removed coffee from the house. I sighed as I made lunch, once Kali had finally started working I had been banned from the basement because 'Machines and I do not get along.' Everyone else was in the basement helping where they could, except for Jack who was trying to figure out how we got the Generator, which had to be brought in on a large truck do to its size, into the basement. I smiled to myself, they'd never figure it out and Kali and I would never say.

Everyone came up the stairs and into the living room, obviously looking for the food they smelled. I frowned a little, "I know everyone is hard at work, but would it kill ya to give me some company?" Jack swallowed the portion of food in his mouth, "Yes." then he promptly stuffed in another bite. I glared at him briefly before turning to Sam and Kali, "So how's it coming?" Sam frowned, "I just don't understand it, everything should be working fine but every time I think I fixed it, something else goes wrong." I nodded, "I see...Well I'm sure you figure it out in no time...Daniel can you help me take the trash to the curb?" He nodded and we made our way outside to lug the trash can, plus extra trash bags to the curb, "Is the always this much garbage?" I smiled a bit, "Only since you guys got here...Have you been tampering with the gate?" He tripped and landed on a garbage bag.

I stifled a giggle, "At least the bag didn't break." He glared, "Yea...and no, I would never do something like breaking the gate." I grinned, "I said tamper with, not break." Daniel sputtered a minute, before a guilty look crossed his face, "I was going to leave eventually ...Not all of it was me." I patted him on the shoulder, "I Know...Kali was doing it too." Daniel shook his head, "Why would she sabotage her own work?" I shrugged, "There is the reason you did it and the fact that she knew how to do it properly." We walked back into the house in silence, a silence that ended with me shouting, "GROUP MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM!" I sat patiently in the middle of the floor while everyone piled on to couches. I glanced around smiling, "Sam, Kali and Daniel would like to apologize."

Sam blinked, "Why would they need to do that?" Jack leaned forward, shooting a glare in Kali and Daniel's direction, "They've been slowing you down." Sam looked shocked, "Why?" I rolled my eyes, "Isn't it obvious?" Teal'c nodded, "I believe DanielJackson wished to spend more time with KaliMorgan." I chuckled, "Well, can't make it more clear than that." I glanced at Daniel and Kali's now red faces, "I know you guys want more time, but who knows how long it has been in that Stargate reality of yours, it's time for you go home Daniel." Kali nodded sadly and Daniel seemed shocked, "Wow Riley, I never thought you could be that wise."

I glared as Jack laughed, "Riley…Wise…that's a good one." Sam rolled her eyes, "Riley is right, there is no telling how things are in our world…we need to get back." I sighed as I looked at Kali and Daniel staring at each other sadly, "Three days, you have three days, then we get back to work." I pulled some money out of my pocket, "Leave, do something fun, and don't come back until your time is up." Kali glanced at her hand, then to Daniel, whose jaw was hanging open, "Just what do you think we are going to do?" Me and Jack grinned, Sam turned red, Teal'c smirked, and Michael started to say, "There are condoms in my dresser." There was resounding smack to the back of his head, then Kali walked out the door grumbling about a bunch of perverted idiots. Daniel also made his escape quickly following Kali out the door, when it closed I turned to Sam, "Three days won't be enough for them, get it working by then, if anyone ask you got really, really bored." Jack leaned back again, "You really think you'll get away with this?" I shook my head, "Nope, Kali is going to kill me, I just hope she thinks about the children."

X~X~X

Kali and Daniel sat in Michael's car wondering what to do now. Kali sighed, "Well….what should we do?" Daniel shrugged, "We could go see a movie." Kali nodded, "I guess we will watch a lot of movies and then get dinner or something." It was a pretty peaceful time, just hanging out and being together, though they agreed that separate hotel rooms were a must. On the third night they wanted to just stay up and ended up deciding to go walking in a park. They stopped and got a loaf of bread in case there were any ducks suffering from insomnia, feeding ducks after all was mildly entertaining.

In fact it was very entertaining, leading Kali and Daniel to the conclusion that there was something wrong with these ducks. Really, that is probably when they should have left, unfortunately they were enjoying a pleasant and peaceful silence. Kali leaned back, dusting her hands off, "Well, I'm out of bread, what about you?" Daniel tossed one last handful of crumbs to the now twenty insomniac ducks, "Yea, that was the last of it….Is that duck looking at me funny?"

Kali glanced at a particular duck that was no longer interested in the remaining crumbs on the ground, instead it watched Daniel intently, especially his hands. "I think that duck thinks you're holding out on him." She couldn't help but grin when Daniel frowned at the duck with a mild look of offense. Daniel held his palms open in front of his knees, "See, I'm all out." The duck cocked its head to the side, but did not move. Daniel glanced at Kali, "How do you say that in Duck?" Kali shrugged, "You're the linguist." He smiled then quickly winced in pain, "Ow!" He and Kali looked down at a suspiciously innocent looking duck.

Daniel kept staring at the duck that quietly picked up a crumb that happened to be in front of it, "Did that duck just bite me?" Kali looked at the duck and then to Daniel's hand, which held no mark at all, "Maybe you imagined it." It chose that moment to reveal its true colors and bit Daniel again. Kali smirked, "Maybe not." Daniel took a moment of glare at the rather suspicious duck, "Let's get out of here, this duck is giving me the creeps." She held back a laugh and patted him on the head, "Yes dear." Daniel paused to glare at her and then continued walking to the car.

When they got there, Kali went to the trunk of the car, "I know Riley packed food in here somewhere…Hey Daniel, don't start the car, I have to go through all these bags." Daniel thought about asking how many bags there could possibly be, but decided he didn't want to know. Bored, he sat on the hood of the car taking in their surroundings. He was surprised to see other people out this late, a couple going further into the darkness to do god knows what. Then he noticed another figure headed toward them with an object that glinted in the dim light, He took off without a second thought.

Kali smiled triumphantly, "Found the food. She packed your favorite." She frowned when there was no response "Is this about the ducks?" Still nothing, "Daniel?" Kali looked over to where Daniel was before, just in time to see him disappear into the dark part of the park. "Crap." Then she took off after him.

Kali honestly wasn't surprised at the sight that greeted her, though she couldn't figure out how it happened, "Daniel, How did you end up with a knife to your throat in 30 seconds?" Daniel, the would be mugger and two random strangers all stared at her with confusion. She smiled at the bad guy, "Oh, Did I interrupt a villainous speech? Who writes that stuff anyway?" One of the strangers, the guy, answered, "Stan Lee." Kali shot the random guy a bright smile, Daniel rolled his eyes, which she saw.

She didn't even look at him, "I saw that Danny." She then turned her attention to the bad guy, "Now let him go or you will be praying for us to call the cops." Turning to the couple she smiled brightly, "Call 911 and wait over by the parking lot." They didn't need to be told twice, but the bad guy, seemed hard of hearing, "What?" Daniel, in an 'as matter of fact' way responded, "She said…" He was cut off by a knife being pressed slightly harder against his throat, "I know what she said!" Kali grinned, "Then why'd you ask?"

He lost his temper and pointed the knife at Kali, "Listen you…" He didn't get any further into that sentence before Daniel elbowed the man in the gut and then brought his knee to the man's head. Daniel then put the would be robber face down, pinning him with a knee to the middle of his back and pulled the man's hands behind his back in an arrest pose. He looked over to Kali to see her smiling and holding out a pair of handcuffs, "Need these?"

Daniel blinked back the shock and mild horror, curious as to why she had those in the first place. to know." He took them anyway restrained the man, leaving him by a tree. When they got to the parking lot, they were met with two very anxious people, Kali smiled at them, "When the cops get here tell them you overpowered him and left him handcuffed next to a tree." The woman raised her hand timidly as Daniel and Kali began to walk away, "Wait…Where do we tell them we got the handcuffs?"

Kali grinned, "Just tell them you were gonna use them for your date later." Daniel tripped, almost falling, "Why would they use handcuffs on their date?" The couple stood there blushing in shock while Kali gave Daniel a pat on the head, "I'll tell you when you're older." Then they were gone, leaving those two people with a very interesting story to tell

X~X~X

I was standing, holding a glass of sparkling grape juice when Daniel and Kali walked through the door. They spent a good while staring at the large meal on the table then directly at me, lifting my glass a little higher I smiled, "Welcome back! Let's celebrate your return." Turning to the rest of our friends I said, "To Kali and Daniel!" They didn't buy it.

Kali took a deep breath, "Riley…What's going on?" I smiled, "Nothing really…We just…finishedthegate." She took another deep breath, "What?" I put down my drink, "wefinishedthegate." Kali shook her head, "Riley, you are whispering and mumbling. What is going on?" I sighed, "We finished the gate while you were gone."

Kali's hands went into fists at her side, she closed her eyes and started to slowly count to ten. When she got there she said, "Nope, didn't work." Opening her eyes she looked around the room, "Where is Riley?" Nobody had an answer, but everyone cringed when Kali yelled, "Riley Annabelle Marsh! What the hell were you thinking! You are so dead when I find you!" Then her cell phone rang, Daniel grabbed it and put it speaker. Apparently, He also wanted an explanation.

Riley's slightly frantic voice came out, "Kali, calm down."

Kali glared at her phone, "Where are you?"

There was a slight pause, "Yea, I am not stupid. Please calm down."

Kali smirked, "I have a knife and your cheesecake and I am not afraid to use it." Jack lodged a protest, "Hey!"

"I am willing to sacrifice the cheesecake in order to live…The gate had to be finished."

Daniel responded calmly but with obvious irritation, "You could have told us. You didn't have to manipulate us."

There was a pause then Riley's voice came through in a smug tone, "Oh Really? Why don't you ask Kali what her next plan for stalling was…then you can share yours."

Kali and Daniel looked at each other; "You had a plan?" then realized that everyone had seen that one coming.

Riley spoke again, "Plus you know it wasn't just me, someone had to be able to get it working."

They decided to glare at Sam then. Sam looked nervous, "Yea…I'm going to just…yea." She went to the kitchen and tried to look busy. Jack grinned, "Come on, If you kill Riley, who will cook for you." Kali smiled, "She did teach me how to cook." She heard Riley behind her, "Yes, but I didn't teach you to make your favorites."

Kali smirked, "That's what cookbooks are for." I sighed in relief, if she was joking, I would live. "I am sorry, but you two were never going to have enough time." Daniel started to argue and I interrupted him, "Keep in mind that at this moment, I have become the voice of reason." Kali nodded in agreement, "Riley is right, when she is the voice of reason, something is wrong."

Jack jumped up, "Well I guess we should pack up now." Daniel glared, but Teal'c simply nodded to the table where Michael and Sam had already begun to eat dinner. Jack sat down next to Sam, "You know…after we eat." The rest of us took our seats and began to eat. After the main meal was gone I stood up, "This is probably going to be the last time we all eat together like this, so Kali, Michael and I all got you something."

Kali picked up a large envelope out of nowhere and handed it to Jack, who promptly shook it a bit next to his ear, "What is it?" I smiled, "Well Jack, it's an envelope." Michael laughed, "You spend too much time with Kali." Jack glared, "What is in it?" Kali beamed, "Leverage on Kinsey." I don't think I had ever seen Jack smile like that before, it was a little unnerving. I shook my head before warning him, "Careful how you use that, if you screw it up, you'll have nothing but a pissed off Kinsey."

Michael, who had also pulled something out of thin air, Looked at Sam and handed her a notebook of printed paper. Sam gave him a confused look until she opened to the first page, then she turned red and laughed, "I am so showing this to Janet." Kali and I immediately knew what was in that notebook and couldn't help but laugh with her, Michael truly was evil.

I stood up and went to the kitchen and came back with a pudding cake dessert. It had a graham cracker crust, a layer of chocolate pudding, a layer of vanilla pudding and was topped with whipped cream. I smiled at their impressed looks, "This isn't my gift, this is dessert." Sitting down I added, "My gift is the month's worth of food I put in a cooler for you with heating instructions." Surprisingly Teal'c smiled and said, "Thank you RileyMarsh." Everybody blinked a few times before Jack, who had been studying his dessert said, "I can honestly say I have never seen anything like this." I glared briefly, "Shut up and eat or I will take it away." We spent the rest of the evening laughing and having fun because we all knew that the next day we would say good bye.

We all gathered in the basement, our make shift gate room, quietly. Nobody really knew what to say, so we just got to work. The first attempt didn't work, so Sam and Kali checked everything to make sure all was as it should be. After the second attempt, the resident smart people were stumped. Sam was frustrated, "I don't understand, everything should be working." Kali kicked a random tool across the room, "I don't get it either." We all watched them from the sides of the room, a rule had been set that no one was to get into the path of the 'woosh' zone. I walked next to the gate and Kali shaking my head, "Honestly, you smart people make things too complicated, Jack?" And with that Jack walked to the other side of the gate and we both kicked it, hard. The gate suddenly started working and 'wooshed' to life.

Sam and Kali blinked in disbelief then decided to let it go. Jack had already used the GDO and they all stood in front of us in their SGC gear getting ready to say good bye. It was strange to see them like they were when they arrived, I sighed, "Well…Teal'c I will miss you, Now I have to use my step stool to reach things." I then gave him a quick hug as he raised an eyebrow. Kali rolled her eyes and the rest of SG 1 suddenly were a little afraid of their good bye speeches. I then turned to Sam, "I think you should keep the wig…it's in your bag. I will miss you, keep making Jack feel stupid." Sam gave me a watery smile, "I think I can manage that." Jack sent a n glare to both of us as we hugged.

I turned to Daniel and put a necklace on him, "Just in case you get kidnapped again." He looked at the round pendant to discover a tracking necklace meant for small children. He pouted a bit then hugged me. Finally I went to Jack and handed him the other part to the tracking necklace, "I think I'll miss you most of all." He snorted back a laugh, "I'd tell you to stay out of trouble but that would be pointless." I smirked, "That is why Kali is here." I stepped back toward the steps discreetly picking up a bag and everyone looked at Michael, who simply waved, "Not big on goodbyes, Have a fun trip!" Kali rolled her eyes again, then stepped toward Teal'c. No one noticed him look down and run out of the basement.

She smiled at him, "Take care of them." Kali hugged him like a giant stuffed animal, adding "I am gonna miss you." Teal'c nodded, "I will KaliMorgan." She let go of Teal'c and then glomped Sam. "You know I'll miss you…Jack isn't as dumb as he acts, he just wants to drive you and Daniel crazy." Sam grinned a bit, "I know, we have a bet on when he'll slip up." Kali went over to Jack next, "You better keep him safe. Keep in mind I'll be watching you…every week." He frowned a bit, "Yea…That's not creepy." Kali twitched but hugged him anyway, hearing him say, "Try to keep Riley out of trouble, it's a full time job, but someone's gotta do it."

I shot him a large smile, "Don't worry about a thing, Jack" Kali shook her head, "I'll miss you Jack." She then looked at Daniel who was now standing in front of her and instantly hugged him tightly, then just as quickly let go and latched on to Riley. Daniel looked at her with a look of confusion and hurt then walked through the gate. Teal's who had grabbed the cooler of food, went next, followed by Sam. Jack turned to go through the gate when I shouted at him, "Jack! Wait! We have to know, space monkey. What does it mean?" He turned to smirk at us and gave us a two finger salute before walking through the event horizon.

That's when Kali started crying. It was also when the event horizon started to look funny and not funny ha- ha. I tried to nudge Kali, who was too busy being upset to notice. I looked nervously at the gate, then to where Michael was. Apparently he had already left the basement, I tried to get Kali's attention again, "Kali…" She groaned then ignored me again, The event horizon looked like it was reaching out somehow. "Kali…" She looked up at me in time to see a bright flash of light, "Holy…"

Michael ran down to the basement after reading a letter Riley had left on the table, only find it empty.

_Dear Michael, _

_If you are reading this you received an email from the landlord that your car has been towed. Don't worry its fine, though you know that after your conversation with the landlord. On the other hand something probably went wrong with the gate and I had to make sure someone is there to take care of the kiddos._

_If something did go wrong I need you to get the generator out of the basement, it is stolen, remember. You'll find everything you need for the kids in your car. I am sure you will rush down to the basement for no reason, after all what could go wrong?_

…_Crap, I shouldn't have written that…._

_Sincerely, Riley_

**Next Chapter: **_You say Hello_

_**A/N : **Sorry it took forever, Working on the next chapter as we speak._

_**Next time: Riley and Kali have disappeared, find out where to next**_


	12. You Say Hello

**Disclaimer**: This is set in an A/U, I do not in anyway own Stargate characters or settings.

_**Author's note: **__Welcome to chapter 12 *dodges thrown object* Patience is a virtue you know._

**Chapter 12: **You say Hello

"…Shit!" Kali's voice echoed throughout the room we were now in. Jack stopped instantly at the profanity, then turned to see Kali and I, "Shit." Teal'c raised an eyebrow at us, "Indeed." Apparently, Jack's profanity was a clear signal that we were the enemy because we had all the weapons in the room, minus SG1, were pointed at us. Kali and I both put up our hands, "Whoa, whoa, whoa …" I then pointed to Jack, "He did it."

Jack cursed again, this time snapping Daniel out of whatever stupor he had been in since our arrival. He sped up the ramp to greet Kali, shoving me a little to the side. I glared at him as he put his hands on Kali's shoulders, "What are you doing here?" She didn't get a chance to answer; I was already in the process of yanking Daniel back by his collar when I remembered the freakish strength that comes with my temper. I watched Daniel stumble all the way back down the ramp and into Teal'c, "Whoops." A guard ran forward, in an effort to grab me, I heard Jack yell, "No, Wait!" Suddenly the guard was on the ground bleeding from the nose and Kali asked in an angry voice, "What the hell happened?"

We all stopped at General Hammond's voice, "Colonel, Who are these women and why are you back so soon?" All of us, except for Teal'c, gave him a bewildered look, "Soon?" There was an awkward silence throughout the large room; Sam glanced at all of us before asking General Hammond, "Sir, Exactly how long have we been gone?" He raised an eyebrow before responding rather seriously, "You've only been gone one hour. What is going on and again, who are these women?"

Teal'c almost smirked, "Perhaps we should speak of our mission now General Hammond." Catching the look that Teal'c had on his face, General Hammond motioned for us to follow him. Jack could only laugh as various guards hesitated to escort Kali or myself to the debriefing room, Kali had a lot to do with that though. Daniel kept glaring at me as we walked, I guess because Kali had yet to speak to him and I was walking in between them, soon to be sitting between them.

We were all seated around the large table; Hammond Sat at the head of the table, next to him, Jack, then Teal'c, then Sam. Across from Jack sat Daniel, then me, then Kali; General Hammond glanced at all of us before looking at Jack expectantly, "Well?" Jack shrugged, "We didn't get to (insert address)." I introduced my palm to my forehead, "Well said, you didn't leave out a thing." I removed my hand to see that everyone disapproved of my sarcasm; I shrugged waiting for someone to fill in the blanks.

Everyone looked at Sam, who sighed rather heavily, "Sir, somehow we ended up in an alternate reality where…" She seemed unsure how to phrase the terms of our reality delicately or maybe just sanely, either way it was proving rather difficult. Kali sighed, "In our reality, the Stargate is the basis of a TV series." Her bluntness effectively stunned the room, though General Hammond was stunned for an entirely different reason, "What?"

Kali rolled her eyes, "You know…The box with the moving pictures and sound." I sighed, "You okay Kali? You usually don't throw sarcasm at people you respect." Kali tilted her head to the side, "Sorry, I guess I let my inner…" Glancing at Jack, she shook her head, "Never mind." Turning to General Hammond, she said, "Sorry sir." I chuckled a bit before asking the room, "Does anyone know what went wrong when you got sent home?" I was met with silence, at least until Sam said, "I think I forgot to carry a nine."

Kali burst into a fit of laughter and smiled at all of us, "Oh Lord…I needed that laugh, Thanks Sam." Then she got up and switched our chairs, seating herself next to Daniel, "I think you have gotten enough revenge, don't you think Riley?" I pouted a bit before nodding then looking to General Hammond, "Sir I know that this is…beyond believable, but we promise we will try not to be trouble. Just let us stay to try and find a way home."

Kali looked surprised, "Home? We just got here, we can't leave. Why should we?" I took a deep breath, "Oh I don't know, the family in our reality, the fact that we shouldn't even be here. We need to find a way home as soon as possible." Kali's eye twitched, "Things will be fine, you are over reacting." I stood up glaring at her, "Kali, you can't change your priorities because of him." When I pointed at Daniel Kali stood up, "You can't blame Daniel! This isn't his fault!"

Suddenly Daniel was standing up as well, "I think you should both calm down." There was a brief pause in which you could hear everyone else in the room groan in disbelief that Daniel was actually that stupid. Then both Kali and I lost it, "Calm? I am Calm!" We plopped back into our seats while Jack busied himself laughing at Daniel, who was standing there staring in shock at Kali and me.

We looked at each other and sighed. Kali looked at General Hammond with an apologetic look, "Let's start over. I am Kali Morgan, She," Kali motioned to me, "Is Riley Marsh. We are from a reality where your world is fiction, but somehow SG1 ended up with us. It took 3 months but we got them back only to end up going with them. I hope the short version is enough because I am officially done talking today."

Daniel looked at her nervously, "You mean that as a figure of speech, right? You are going to talk again today…right?" Kali blinked at him but remained silent sending him into sulk mode. I chuckled a bit, "Don't worry Daniel, She is not mad at you. She is wondering the same thing I am. What happens to us now?"

Again the room was silent, then I smirked, "Well…I guess we have to move in with Jack until we get home…" Jack stood up to protest but Kali interrupted, "Can I use the telescope?" Jack almost growled, "I thought you were done talking." She blinked back. Jack shook his head then addressed General Hammond, "Sir, We can't let them off the base, Riley is crazy." I leaned back smiling, "Alright Jack, We'll stay here and sit around. Don't worry about a thing, Kali and I will find some way to fight the boredom." Jack paused, to look at the gleam that was now settled in Kali's eyes, then back at me, and finally back at Hammond. "Like I was saying, we need to find these girls jobs to do." Hammond opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by an unexpected guest.

We all looked at the door as soon as we heard the door begin to open. That was quickly followed by Senator Kinsey's voice, "How dare you keep me waiting!" Jack's eye twitched and I grinned, jumping up, I ran to greet the dear senator. "Senator Kinsey, It is an honor to meet you sir." I shook his hand vigorously, noting that Kali had just shoved a cookie into Jack's just open mouth. "I apologize, if I had known that you were waiting I would have gladly stepped aside. If you don't mind me asking, why are you here? Is it to implement another stroke of genius?" At this point even Daniel looked like he was going to be sick.

Meanwhile, Kinsey was enjoying the ego boosting he was getting at the moment, "Miss, who are you?" I made myself look embarrassed, "I am super sorry, I'm Riley Marsh. My friend and I are here…due to a mix up…In any case, Please take our appointment. The Brigg won't be so bad while we wait." Kinsey shot a glare at Hammond, "This is unacceptable. Putting this poor girl in the Brigg for no reason, What did she do?" I smiled but quickly hid it and pleaded, "Don't blame him, he has to put us somewhere until we figure out what to do, it's protocol. We'll be fine letting you take priority….are you running for senate again this time? It would be a shame if the rumors are true and we are left without your wisdom."

Kinsey stood frozen in surprise before taking a long look at me then turning to General Hammond, "I expect you to make time next week and not to keep me waiting." I flashed him a bright smile until the door closed behind him, "Thank god he left; I wasn't sure how long I could keep talking like an idiot." Kali laughed while everyone else stared at me with mild shock. General Hammond was the first to recover, He smirked, "You're good."

I bowed deeply as if I had just put on a show, "Why thank you General." He then turned to Jack who was now enjoying the cookie that had earlier been shoved into his mouth, "She is going with your team as the lead diplomat on the next mission." Jack instantly began to violently cough, apparently his cookie was against being eaten. Daniel was suddenly beside him hitting his back harder than needed, "But sir, I am the team's diplomat." Kali put her arm around my shoulders grinning ear to ear, "Yes Danny and you are a very good one. Now where do we get our gear?"

Hammond frowned a bit, "I never said you would be joining them." Kali's smile quickly faded into a look of anger. Jack stepped in then, I think the thought of trying to handle me without Kali frightened him a bit, "Sir, Kali worries about Riley and Riley won't listen to anyone except for Kali. She needs to be there." Hammond raised an eyebrow, "How much trouble could she be?" I grunted in annoyance and Kali moved closer to Hammond. She then whispered something to him causing his eyes to widen slightly. He then looked between the two of us and sighed, "Fine, Kali will go with you too." Kali jumped simultaneously doing a fist pump, "Yes!" I raised my hand timidly, "One question." Everyone looked at me waiting, "Do I have to wear the green uniform?"

X~X~X

Kali stood outside of my closed door, "Hurry up or we'll be late!" I looked in the mirror for the tenth time, the bulky uniform made me feel small and look smaller. "Alright already, I'm going." I walked to out of the door, coming face to face with Kali, "I look like a child in this get up." Kali looked me over, "I wouldn't say that." I frowned, "So, you're telling me I look like a soldier." Kali looked me over again, "I definitely wouldn't say that…You just look out of place." I sighed, "I'm gonna kill someone."

When we walked into the gate room, I pointed at Jack, "You couldn't find me clothes that actually fit!" He shrugged, "It was all they had in stock." I crossed my arms as we came to stand next to SG1. Kali smiled, "This is going to be so much fun." I shrugged, "So where are we going?" Daniel stared at me, "You didn't read the memo?" I blinked, "I read as much of it as Jack did." Jack feigned offense and Sam rolled her eyes, "We're going to P5X-7W2. The UAV showed some plants that we think may have some interesting healing properties."

Kali and I both chuckled; our new team looked at us strangely but shook it off as the gate activated. Teal'c went through first followed by Sam, then Daniel. Kali and I stood side by side in front of the event horizon, only to hear Jack sarcastically say, "It's not going to bite ya, go on." Then he shoved us through.

Kali and I both stumbled a bit due to the shove courtesy of Jack. Walking forward to the others we took in the surrounding nature, trees, bushes, clean air, like earth with two moons. Kali pulled out her camera and after snapping a picture announced, "I just found my new computer background." I smiled sweetly, "Oh good, you can change it from a picture of Daniel." Daniel immediately asked, "What picture?" Kali glared at me, "Answer and I will shove you into the woosh."

I put my hands up in defense, but mouthed 'I'll show you later' to Daniel. Kali twitched, "I saw that…and no, you won't." Daniel seemed oddly disappointed by that, it was a little amusing. I looked over to Sam and Teal'c, "So which way do we go?" Sam and Teal'c shared a smirk I recognized as trouble, then one pointed north and the other pointed south. I then shared a smirk with Kali and linking arms we happily headed west between them. The others were walking a short distance behind us when we spotted a small village from the hill top on which we stood. "Hey guys, am I imagining things or does the ground there look like its moving?" Daniel sighed in relief, "I thought that was me needing new glasses."

Jack moved forward, "Well let's go find out why." Teal'c was the first to voice the concerns in our heads, "O'Neill, are you certain this is wise?" Sam nodded in agreement, "He's right sir, It could be some kind of focused seismic activity." Kali shrugged, "I'll go check it out." Then she ran down the hill before anyone could say anything. She was back just as quickly holding something. When she started talking as she got closer, "I figured out what was moving, isn't he cute. There are literally thousands of them." I finally got a good look at what Kali was holding at the end of her sentence, then promptly screamed and jumped at Teal'c, who thankfully caught me, "Get that thing away from me!"

Kali was enjoying this whole situation way too much and Jack was trying, but failing to hide a grin, "What's wrong Riley? It's just a mouse." I couldn't take my eyes off the mouse long enough to glare at him, "Let me go home, I don't want to be here." Kali gave me a slight look of pity before setting the mouse down and watching it run down the hill to it's friends, "Riley, we have to go to that village, you know that right?"

I took the pause that followed to jump down from Teal'c's arms and tried to run for the gate. I was yanked back by the jacket I wore and saw what I assumed was a disapproving look from Teal'c, "RileyMarsh, we have not completed our mission, we must move forward." I pouted and did the only thing I could think of, I sat on the ground. Kali groaned, "So that's where Dawn learned it…Don't do this Riley." I crossed my legs and arms, "I will have you know I stole this from her." Kali shook her head, "You can't be serious."

Daniel smiled, "Riley…You know that there are thousands of mice in that village right?" I nodded slowly, unsure where he was going with this. Daniel took a step back, "Well, they aren't flying." I looked at the ground I was sitting on then jumped on the nearest person, Kali. She immediately dropped me, "Riley, enough, you have a job to do!" Kali then grabbed the bag on my shoulder and started to walk toward the village, I grumbled before following knowing I wouldn't be able to be near my 'ready for anything' kit without going with her and I managed to ignore the snickering behind me.

X~X~X

The walk down the hill to the village was quiet and slow, it might have been faster except for the fact that I would suddenly become gripped with the fear that the mice would suddenly notice me and I would stop. Then someone among us would remind me that the mice were so afraid of us that they got out of our way on their own. The closer we got to the small village the more of a crowd that seemed to gather, finally one of them stepped forward. He had a kind look in his dark brown eyes and stood with pride to greet us, "Welcome to our humble village strangers."

It was clear that this man was afraid of us, you had to admire their optimism. Daniel was quick to introduce us and I didn't mind, it provided a distraction from the mice. "Hello, I'm Dr. Daniel Jackson and they," He paused to gesture to us, "are Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter, Teal'c, Kali Morgan, and Ri-" At that exact moment a single brave rodent decided it wanted to attempt to climb my leg, my instant reaction was to scream in terror, kick it off, and jump on the closet person, which happened to be Jack. Turns out that was lucky for him because Daniel was the one who ended up having a very frightened mouse flung at him. There was a deafening silence as the villagers stared in shock.

*Squeak* Everyone looked around in confusion trying to locate the strange sound

*Squeak* No one noticed Kali standing perfectly still or that I had suddenly stopped talking

*Squeak* Jack was the first one to look at me, then he looked at Kali who seemed to be shaking for no apparent reason.

*Squeak* Others were starting to stare, when the light bulb went off over Daniel's head, Kali began to laugh hysterically.

*Squeak* Jack grinned when Sam asked, "Riley…Is that sound…you?"

*Squeak*

I was about to explain, when the villagers in front of us began to bow. They wouldn't even lift their heads until I finally lost it, "Why *Squeak* are you bowing? *Squeak* Please get *Squeak* up." I looked at Jack who was trying to put me down while I struggled to stay off the ground, finally he gave up with a look that distinctly stated that I must have a relation to a cat somewhere. The man who had welcomed us earlier, timidly stood and took a step forward, "You speak the language of the exalted. You must have come from the heavens."

Everyone was stunned by that, I landed with a small squeak when Jack dropped me,  
"Say *Squeak* What?" The timid man tilted his head a bit, "You are our goddess, come to us in mortal form" Suddenly a plan popped into my head and just as quickly, out of my mouth, "Yes…but if the…exalted ones touch me….I will lose this form…" Suddenly Villagers were rushing about, seemingly trying to figure out what to do. Throughout this chaos I became distinctly aware of SG 1's extremely dirty looks; I gave them a pleading look. "I can explain."I am fairly certain I was about to get a group scolding when the man who had greeted us approached bowing his head a bit, "Would you accompany me to temple my goddess?" I stood up, trying to choke back another squeak, "Of Course." I glanced back at the team then walked with an escort to the temple.

X~X~X

Kali was studying the reactions that SG 1 were having to Riley's actions. Teal'c seemed angry but remained silent, Sam seemed to be trying to understand why, Jack was furious, and Daniel was downright pissed. "Why would Riley do something so…so…so…wrong!" Kali shrugged, "Riley's mind works in odd ways, but I would bet money it was the mice." Sam tilted her head to the side, "So she is posing as a goddess…because she is afraid of mice." Kali grinned, "Never under estimate the lengths that woman will go to avoid rodents of any kind."

I shook my head as I heard Kali's last statement. Smiling I walked over to Daniel, "Hey Daniel, can you research way the goddesses around here can become human? Might be my only way out of this." Daniel twitched a little before going off on me, "Riley, I cannot condone something so…so…I can't believe you think I would lie to these people!" I promptly turned to Kali, "Hey Kali, can you research way the goddesses around here can become human? Might be my only way out of this." Daniel frowned and Jack was openly snickering at him. Kali shot Daniel a sympathetic look before turning to me, "Did you at least try to tell them the truth?"

I smiled pointedly at Daniel as I replied to Kali, "Honestly, what kind of person do you think I am. I tried to tell them but they think I was supposed to be hiding…apparently the goddess of mice is a goofball." Jack grinned, "and you are sure you aren't their goddess." I glared, "Funny, real funny. The point is, they think their goddess is powerless in this form and I want to ensure it stays that way."

Kali shrugged then dragged Daniel off to find out where the information was kept. I introduced Sam, Teal'c, and Jack to all the locals I had met and managed to get some good conversations going on what we had and they didn't and what they had but we didn't. I had just gotten done changing into some clothes the villagers had given me when Daniel and Kali returned. Kali grinned and Daniel tilted his head to the side, "Why are you wearing sacrificial clothing?" I smiled, "Well the villagers gave….Wait, what?"

Daniel nodded with a grim and strangely amused look, "Yup those are sacrificial robes. I think they're going to kill you." I looked between him and Kali, who was enjoying this too much, "Why don't you seem more concerned about that?" Daniel shrugged with a smug look and in an equally smug voice replied, "Well, you're a Goddess, I am sure you'll find a way out of this." Kali chuckled turning to Daniel, "Hey, do they practice cannibalism here?" I rolled my eyes, "Funny Kali, real funny. Now please get me out of this."

Kali grinned wider, "You know eventually I will get tired of bailing you out." I smiled, trying to look bitter, "No you won't. You like laughing at me too much." Kali sighed, "Lucky for you, all you have to do is state that you wish to become human." I gave her and Daniel a disbelieving look, "Really?" Kali chuckled, "Yes, it is really that simple." Daniel nodded, "Just tell them you rather like the human life and want to live with them and learn their ways." I tilted my head to the side, "Won't that mean I would have to stay here with them?"

Jack came up with the solution, surprising me a bit, "Just tell them that in your short time as a human, you became friends with us and you want to go home with us." I smiled, "That's a great idea….When did you get here?" Jack groaned a bit, "You really need to start paying attention to what's around you." I was about to give a witty reply when Sam and Teal'c appeared, "Does anyone know why the villagers are heading this way with a large sword?" I paled a bit, "Sword?" Kali smiled with an evil look in her eye, "Yea, remember? Sacrificial robes." Jack started laughing so hard it looked somewhat painful.

The villagers all gathered before me and the leader motioned for me to follow him, "Come, It is time to return you to your true form." I bowed like they did before, "I humbly ask to remain a human." There were numerous gasps among the crowd and the village leader held his hand out to me. As I let him help me into to standing he asked, "Why do you wish this?" I looked at the crowd of people then at my friends with a feigned look of longing, "I like the human life I have been given, the humans that brought me here have become my friends and I wish to stay with them." I heard everyone but Teal'c suppress a chuckle at the look I gave them and held back a glare of my own. The village leader gave me a concerned look, "Are you sure this is what you want? I don't mean to question you…but you would have to live and die without your powers." I nodded solemnly, "Yes, this is my wish."

X~X~X

General Hammond frowned, "Then what happened?" Daniel shrugged, "They agreed to become allies and threw a good bye feast." Hammond looked like he had a headache, a big one, the type that usually had Jack's name written all over it. Sighing he looked at me, "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" I smiled, "I guess I make a better grifter then I do a peacemaker….I quit." I got up and walked to my room leaving the rest to stare at the door.

Kali leaned back in her chair with a smile and Jack looked at Daniel, "You so owe her."

**Next Chapter: Breakdown**

_**A/N : **Working on bringing you the next one as fast as we can_

_**Next time: Things settle into a routine…sort of.**_


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